Mostly True Stories From a Real Live Grownup

Soon I will

2011-10-10T18:00:00.000-07:00

Clean my kitchen

Cook dinner

Take my dog for a walk

Apply for yet another job, in my neverending search

Curl my hair

Start wearing bras again

Write a novel

Write a better novel

Take a sewing class

Buy a sewing machine

Eat Paleo for a month

Start excercising

Begin waking up at a reasonable hour

Make meal plans and stick to them

Buy a plane ticket to a foreign country

Start wearing better shoes

Stop looking a Pinterest every five minutes

Take pictures of my house and post them on the internet

Buy pumpkins to put on my front porch

Try making a slip cover for my couch

Clean the dog poop off my back patio

Make new friends

Call my Mom

Update my facebook

Wax my ladystache

Stop saying ladystache, cause gross

Buy a new GPS to replace my poor stolen Daniel

Hang the pictures in the Study

Stop pretentiously calling our extra room the Study

Nevermind, no I won’t

That part is awesome the end.

The Honeymoon Chronicles: Trees of Mystery Edition.

2011-08-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

The drive up to Washington was relatively quiet after our great freeway adventure. We did manage to have a few adventures, though...Including driving along and suddenly passing a giant statue of Paul Bunyan. Let me repeat that for you: A. Giant. Statue. Paul. Bunyan. PAUL BUNYAN! Perhaps you knew that this existed, but we were not aware. We were just driving through Kalamath minding our bidness, when BAM! PAUL EFFING BUNYAN!

Hmm? Just a couple of bros hangin.

Hmm? Just a couple of babes hangin...haha. Heh. Shut up.

One of the best parts is that Paul Bunyan was full on animatronic. His hand would wave at you, and there was a guy doing the voice, so yeah, I've full on talked with Paul Bunyan. I talked to Babe the Blue Ox too, but he was less chatty.

Afterwords we drove through the Trees of Mystery and drove through the famous hollow tree. And look, if that isn't a little piece of honeymoon Americana, I don't know what is.

If you were wondering, yes. It was very difficult fitting the Clampett Mobile through the tree. But we did it!

Stay tuned next time when we steal from the National Steinbeck Center!

I Command You to Read This/(these) Book(s)

2011-08-23T12:02:00.000-07:00

Internet, I would like to discuss a book. Specifically this book: "Okay for Now" by Gary Schmidt. But here's the tricky part, I want to discuss the end of the book, and I have a strict no spoiler policy, so I don't feel like we can discuss it right now, because I would like you to go read it first. But here is the other tricky part: I feel like before you can read the book, you have to go read this book: "The Wednesday Wars", which is the companion book to "Okay for Now", and while they can each be read as stand alones, and there aren't major spoilers, I also have strong feelings about books being read chronologically. Like, sometimes I have people tell me that I don't have to read a series in a particular order (mystery series for example), and I have to do my best not to give a withering glare, because YESTHEYDOHAVETOBEREADINORDER, but that's a little rude, and also apparently you aren't supposed to impose your values on other people even if you are right and they are wrong amen. Here is the third tricky part, I am not even supposed to be writing this post at all, because I promised Nano that the next post I wrote would include pictures of my apartment! You can see that I'm kind of in a pickle.

So here is my proposed solution: I will give you all two weeks to read the two books I want you to read. (They are both fairly quick reads, I promise!) And then we'll all meet back here, say September 6th? And then we'll discuss the book, and I'll get spoilery in my post, but I'll also do the thing where you have to click a link to view the post so people who don't want to read it don't have to. Or maybe that's too demanding. Should we give it a whole month? Ok: so your assignment is to read the two books, and also comment and tell me if you want two weeks, or a month to do so.

Also, this isn't mandatory, unless you are Lauren, Liz, Liz, Liz, Amanda, Emily, Julie, or actually, anyone related to me at all. And also, just because I didn't list your name doesn't mean it's not mandatory for you too, it's just that I started running out of steam, and not everyone has a blog anymore, TIFFANY. So just assume if you are reading this, you have to do what I tell you. I mean, you are invited to the book discussion. It's also mandatory for Rachel, but actually she already read these books, and in fact I read them because of her. Maybe you did too! That would make this a lot easier. You can read her reviews here and here, because she does a lovely job of showing why the books are wonderful without telling the whole story.

Also, I will post pictures of my apartment tomorrow Nano, I promise!

The Cake Before Time

2011-08-04T16:08:00.000-07:00

In my many many internet forays during wedding planning, I came across a picture of felt dinosaur cake toppers. There are a lot of things about that sentence that make me really excited even now. I'm going to write it again with emphasis on the best words:
"I came across a picture felt dinosaur cake toppers."
As you can see, cake is the best part, but dinosaur and felt come right behind. My love of the amazing work of Rachel Knecht, felter extrotinaire is well documented. I love nothing better than commissioning felt creations to my own personal Da Vinci. This time she truly outdid herself.

COULD YOU JUST DIE??? They are--and I say this without bias--the greatest cake toppers that ever existed in this land or any other land ever.

Notice the bow tie. Super fans will recognize this as the fabric that lines my Spock computer case.

Check out the veil. And the necklace! She made dinosaur me a pearl necklace. Oh Rachel. You get me. You really get me.

And the glasses. She even added felt square frame glasses. PERFECTION.

Elliot, our above averagely cute ring bearer and fellow dinosaur enthusiast was duly impressed.
Elliot: There's dinosaurs on that cake!
Me (proudly): Yup.
Elliot: It's a stegosaurus and a long neck!
Me: Well, yeah. Close enough.

Elliot (pointing): That's you?
Me: Yup.
Elliot: And that's Alex?
Me: Uh huh!
Elliot: *thinks* Hey! I think it's time to eat this cake!

Kid...this might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Needless to say the dinosaurs were a huge hit. People kept telling us things like, "it's so great because your kids will be able to play with them!" And Alex and I would exchange glances and say: "Yes. Our kids..."

Thank you so much Rachel...I adore them and I adore you!

*Pictures by our amazingly talented photographer, Marcello Ambriz.

The Honeymoon Chronicles

2011-06-30T16:24:00.000-07:00

On my first day of being married, I woke up at the Sheraton in Pomona with my new husband. (We are high rollers you see.) We were supposed to finish loading the truck and head up to Santa Barbara that night. Alex wondered aloud if perhaps we should stay another night, to avoid feeling rushed. I told him we'd be fine, and we should just try and get on the road. Well ok, he said, but we're supposed to check out in twenty minutes. We decided to stay another day after all.

On my second day of being married, we loaded up our honeymoon truck Clampett style, and headed off to Santa Barbara in the early evening.

Honeymoon Truck as Decorated by Jordin and Casey.

We were driving happily on the 10 (a major freeway in California) and got to the place where it merges with the 5 (another major freeway), when I heard a loud thunk.

Alex: "Oh [censored]!"
Hannah: "What did we lose?"
Alex: "Everything."
Hannah: "What do you mean 'everything'?"
Alex: "Absolutely everything."

At this point he had pulled into the median and put the truck in park. By the time I was out of the cab he was already sprinting down the freeway. The wind had gotten under the tarp that covered the sum total of our lives, and ripped the wooden frame from the truck. The frame sat 300 feet behind us, while boxes were scattered all over the freeway. Alex was already pulling things out of the road, and I ran to join him. We cleared everything we could, everynow and then I would see one of my shoes, or one of Alex's books from boxes that had split open and couldn't be salvaged. When the road was mostly clear, the traffic that had stopped to avoid hitting us (never say Los Angeles drivers aren't considerate!) started again, and we stood for a moment listening to the crunch of pill bottles and cd cases we had left behind. We stood by the truck and I thought to myself: "Welp, this is it. I guess we live here now." At the very least we would have to stay one more night. I wondered who we should call in a situation like this...the police? The highway patrol? My mom? Could this be--after a lifetime of waiting--my chance at last to use a call box? No, I had a cell phone, I could just use that. Discouraged by this last thought, I turned to ask Alex what he thought we should do. He had dissapeared down the freeway, where he pulling the wooden frame towards me. What are we supposed to do with that? I wondered. Apparently what we were going to do was put it back on the truck. I was skeptical, but one has to humor one's spouse (chapter one of my book!) and so I helped him lift it. When it was on the truck once more, he pulled out a drill and turned to me, "Hannah, find me some wood." It was at this point I realized that I had married well. We then procceded to patch and reattach the frame. About halfway through I looked at Alex apologetically, "I'm sorry. But I have to stop and take some pictures."
He looked at me with understanding in his eyes. "I know you do babe. I know you do." And I did.

Between the 10 and the 5

Basically MacGuyver.

Him: Ok, I need you to hammer the posts in while I hold them steady.
Me: TAKE A PICTURE!

About half of the stuff that fell, the other half was on the other side of the freeway.

When all was said and done, we recovered almost everything. We lost a box of books, a box of toiletries, a microwave and a toaster. But what we lost in possessions, we more than made up for in a good story.

Stay tuned next time when we meet Paul Bunyan!

FAQ About My Upcoming Wedding:

2011-04-19T13:33:00.000-07:00

When is the big day???

June 13th!!!

Oh, isn't that a Monday?

Yes, yes it is.

How come you're getting married then?

Alex is taking is med school boards on June 10th (a Friday),and then he starts his rotations on June 20th. Getting married the day after the boards seemed like a bad idea, and we wanted as much time as possible to honeymoon/move to Washington.

Wait, you're moving to Washington???

Right??? Alex's school has a northwest track, and homeboy is on it...so Tacoma, Washington, here we come!

So, boards, wedding, honeymoon, moving...all in one week. doesn't that seem...um...busy?

Yes, yes it does.

Well, where is the wedding going to be?

In Claremont! At a place called: "The Bromansion". That's french for my bros live there.

You're getting married in a house where five twentysomething guys live? Is that wise?

First of all, I don't care for the tone of that question, McJudgy. Secondly, I don't recall mentioning the five twentysomethings...are you psychic?

No, I'm not a real person...you're the one writing this.

Agree to disagree.

Let's just change the subject. What kind of food are you having?

Taco truck.

...Really?

Yes.

What kind of cake are you having?

Funfetti.

What are your colors?

I'm not having "colors" per se.

Have you...have you ever been to a wedding?

I refuse to dignify that with a response.

Hipiversary!

2011-02-08T17:41:00.000-08:00

Thirteen years ago today I had bilateral hip replacement surgery. Is that dramatic or what? You can imagine that it was something of a “to do” back in the day.

I had two great fears in approaching the operation. The first was the fact that after the surgery I would be confined to my bed for at least a week. Oh dear, this is still a bit delicate to discuss. Well, the thing is…oh fine. I’ll just say it. Bedpans. I was utterly horrified about the idea of using a bedpan. Several people had prepared me gently for this, nurses, doctors, a social worker or two. There was nothing to be embarrassed about, everyone was a professional, it would be no big deal, and it would simply have to be done at least for the first couple of days. Ha! I smiled and nodded politely when they discussed it with me, but privately I vowed I would never lower myself to that. My plan, as I recall, was simply to walk to the bathroom and use the toilet like an adult. I would be a marvel! Everyone would be stunned by my fortitude and resiliency! Really, all one needed was the proper motivation and one could accomplish anything. So yeah. That was my big plan. Just get up and walk! Problem solved. Oh Little Hannah. You are a treasure.

My other deep fear was the fact that I would be naked during the surgery. No, I’m not kidding. Of course in real life I was modestly draped, really entirely covered except for the portion they were working on, but I hadn’t watched a lot of surgery shows at that point, so how was I supposed to know? In my mind I imagined my body splayed out on the table for all the world to see. And by world I mean…doctors. Male doctors! I was terribly embarrassed about the whole thing. As any self respecting self conscious fourteen year old should be.

During the pre-op appointment, I sat with my doctor wearing nothing but a gown and a little robe thing. My doctor wanted to draw lines on my hips to mark wear the incisions would be, but before lifting my gown asked me if I was wearing underwear. Internally I was kicking myself for casting my undies aside prematurely, while outside I was trying to play it cool, all: “Who me? No I never wear underwear. What am I a nerd?” It was a little traumatic. Poor Little Hannah.

In retrospect it is possible that I was nervous about the wrong things. I do remember a couple of times trying to drum up a little fear of oh, I don’t know, dying. But it never felt real. I definitely enjoyed the sense of drama it gave me, but I was never really scared of dying, or of pain, or of any of it really. My fear was basically limited to going to the bathroom, and people seeing my nuddy-self.

I like to give past Hannah a hard time. I blame her for a lot of my current problems. Like, if past-Hannah had dealt with her email, I wouldn’t have 48 unanswered emails in my inbox right now! And if past-Hannah had just applied herself a little, I could be a lawyer or a doctor or a trophy wife by now. And really past-Hannah…are all of those brownies necessary?

But in this particular matter, I look back at past-Hannah with a little bit of awe. Because you see, what fourteen year old Hannah did, was something that twenty-seven year old Hannah would have a much harder time with. If I had to make that choice now, I would be pouring over outcomes and googling horror stories, convincing myself they were all about to happen to me. Man, what a gift that was. If I hadn’t done that surgery, I would most likely be in a wheelchair right now. It’s kind of stunning when I think back on things I could not do for before that surgery. I mean, things like walking around school, yes. But also truly basic things, like getting up off the floor by myself. Imagine having to ask someone to lift you every time you tried to stand. I don’t even think about it anymore. My life is so different than what it was, and what it could have been—and you will have to excuse me for getting a little schmaltzy for moment, but I am so, so grateful to the fourteen year old me who went through the hard part, so current me could reap the benefits. (And, you know. I guess the surgeons helped a little too.)

So, happy hipiversary to me I guess! I always feel like I should throw a hula party or something to commemorate, but in the meantime, feel free to swivel your hips in general celebration.

Yes it's February Second, but Here's that End of Year Survey Anyway.

2011-02-02T11:07:00.000-08:00

Oh I do love a good survey. That's not really true, but I keep doing this one anyway...I actually wrote this back at the end of December, but then promptly forgot about it. I'm posting it now anyway, because the Mormon in me appreciates the journalistic value...but please don't feel obligated to read it. Hearts!

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

I got a masters degree.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Last year I wrote a fear list. Twelve things I have always wanted to do, but have been too afraid to do. My goal was to do one a month till they were all crossed off, I did five of them. But I really enjoyed doing that, and I think I’ll probably do something similar this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Hooboy, was this ever a banner year for Haynie births! Megan, Diana, Maria and Sarah all had babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, halleluiah.

5. What countries did you visit?

I am officially hereby changing this question forever. It will now read:

5. What trips did you take?

This was the year of fabulous beach vacations for me. In April I went to San Francisco, In May I went to Catalina, and in July I went to fabulous Oahu and Maui! On the non-beach front I also spent Thanksgiving in Delta, Utah (with a side trip to Provo to see the Bangerters), and I am currently in Idaho, where I wear a daily minimum of two pairs of pants, much to the amusement of my hosts. Ooh! And we spent the day in Wyoming. So. You know. Add that to the list.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Probably a new car…my beloved Betty stopped working in, oh, I don’t know…January? It’s probably time to get on that.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The day I got my job.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Obvious.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Nanowrimo yet again. But I can’t even feel bad about it…I wrote thirty pages and I’m still working on it. Excitement!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Same old same old.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Mah Kindle. L-U-V LOVE.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My friends, who consistently give me opportunities to dress up

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

You know, I quite like myself, and generally enjoy being me. But whenever I see this question the things that pop into mind are my own mistakes, character flaws and missteps. I think I appall and depress myself more than anyone I can think of. But fortunately my strengths, talents, and artistic abilities help me see that there is change, there is balance, and there is forgiveness.

14. Where did most of your money go?

For the last time I will have to say: Cal State LA!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The gaga party, Club 33, the release of Mocking Jay,

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Is it too sad to put Bad Romance down? I mean I KNOW! Unoriginal. But seriously, I sang that song soooo much this year. It’s got to be Gaga.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier.
b) thinner or fatter? Deffo fatter.
c) richer or poorer? Eh, richer, but considering I had a salary of zero last year that is not saying much.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Read books, read my scriptures, doing chores on time, laughing

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Reading blogs, being online, procrastinating,

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Christmas Eve I spent with my family eating dinner, cracking crackers, wearing paper crowns, and watching pugs play with each other in the living room. Christmas morning we opened presents with the fam, and then Alex and I jumped in the car and drove all the way to Idaho to spend the week with his family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

Why yes I did.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

I guess 30 Rock and Community. No good dramas at the moment, que lastima.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Dumb question, I’m deleting it after this year.

24. What was the best book you read?

Mocking Jay, Watership Down, Cold Mountain and The Help were all great reads.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I honestly didn’t have one. I’m terrible at discovering music. Maybe I’ll make musical discovery a resolution for 2011.

26. What did you want and get?

A job, a degree, a boyfriend and a trip to Hawaii.

27. What did you want and not get?

Honestly, I got so many things in this last year that to answer this question feels a little ungrateful and Veruca Saltesque. But you know, if we’re going with it…a car.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Toy Story 3, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Inception and True Grit. [Edit: I didn't see The King's Speech until after New Years]

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I went to a luau in Oahu, and I turned 27.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Is it crass if I just blatantly say more money? You know what? That doesn’t even matter. This year was incredibly satisfying. No additions needed.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Pencil skirts at work, skinny jeans for play.

32. What kept you sane?

Friends. Forever and Always. Which I’m pretty sure is the title of Justin Bieber’s memoir, but there you go.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I’m having a real Neal Patrick Harris phase

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

I very consciously spent most of this year not getting stirred by political issues. I hid everyone in my facebook stream who often writes politically charged updates, and kind of stopped listening to or reading the news. I’m much less informed but also significantly more cheerful about politics in general. In the new year I’m going to start adding the news back in, but I think I’ll try to keep my political angst to a minimum. And I’ll just say, facebook is not the place for politics…oh no it is not.

35. Who did you miss?

Bianca, who kept fleeing for rotations.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

This Guy.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

Leaps of faith are hard…but you can end up some really good places when you make them./Sometimes I am sappy.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I might get rid of this question too. Mostly cause I can never answer it.

Happy New Year! [One month late.]

Guess who downloaded paint on her macbook?

2010-12-01T20:47:00.000-08:00

I was going to write a post about thanksgiving for you all...but instead I drew this picture of a unicorn. You're welcome.

Updates?

2010-11-05T10:26:00.000-07:00

I'm working on a project for work as well as a homework assignment that both need to be finished today. So now seemed like a really good time to write a blog post! I keep being incredibly busy and having lots of updates...but not telling you about them. So here is a quick list of things I've been doing in the last three months:

Started my job! I counsel students, plan events, present workshops, and go to conferences. It's very fancy. Also, I eat all the time. No, seriously, I don't think a week has gone by that there hasn't been some kind of food event. My first day there was a party at the Dean of Student's House. I was all, haha! Watch out or I'll get used to this! And turns out, now I AM used to it. I've stopped preparing lunches almost entirely. One of the events I helped plan (and emcee!) was a fashion show to highlight appropriate business wear. Here is a picture of me on the runway:
Item number two: I went to Disneyland waaaay too much! How can that be possible? Answer: It can't. But seriously, I go all the time. I think I've been every week for the last six weeks. People keep visiting! First it was the Kennards, and we all went to Club 33 (This deserves a post all on it's own, but probably won't get one.):

Then Kristen came to visit, and this picture happened! (This trip also deserves it's own post but probably won't get one except that I'll say it here: While I had a ton of fun and witnessed the greatest imaginary light saber battle of all time, I am no longer cut out for Disney days longer than 8 hours.):Then Alex's sister came to visit, and we went to Disneyland again! But this time no one has posted pictures on facebook so I can't steal them. Which is a real shame because this trip involved fake mustaches. Everyone's loss.

At some point I also met up with Jeff and Cole and Kelly, but they didn't even bother to take a picture with me, so I have nothing to show for it. Very sad. Basically I go to Disneyland a lot. Six year old me would have been ecstatic to hear this was in her future.

Halloween happened! I went as Carmen Sandiego...a costume I'm extremely proud of but didn't bother to get a single picture of. So instead please enjoy this picture of me from last Halloween (weird face but great costume...amirite?):
I don't know...there is a lot more, but this post is getting long, and I really do have to do my homework. Oh! I'm taking one more class. It's on Fridays. Friday nights. It's very sad. But! Almost over. Eh, I'll try to write something else at some point, ever. So until then here is one more picture of me and Alex at Club 33:

Islands are Lucky and so am I

2010-08-03T22:44:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I got back from two weeks in Hawaii a couple of days ago, and I have all kinds of stories to tell you about that! But not in this post. No, in this post we're going to talk about the time that I got a miracle. (In no less than 1200 words OMG I'M SORRY.)

So I may or may not have mentioned (once or twice a minute all summer) that I was recently in graduate school. Since the very start of my program I knew I wanted to work on the college level. I did several things to make this happen, including adding a career counseling certificate to my course load, and diligently working to set up college internships. Initially I was planning on doing my first internship in the fall, but at the last minute, it fell through, and I instead ended up interning at a local middle school, the very middle school I once attended myself, and the very institution where I set my most impressive Oregon Trail score. (Trailblazer!) Next I planned an internship for the winter quarter, but again the placement fell through. Frustrated, I turned to my advisers, who assured me they would help me look for a place to do my final set of hours. I ended up working at a nearby high school, which ended up being probably my all time favorite work environment, so fantastic was the counseling team.

During this quarter, I saw a couple of college counseling jobs openings. I optimistically set about applying for these positions. I asked one of my professors for a letter of recommendation, and she agreed. When I went to pick the letter up, she sat me down and said: "I'm going to give you the letters, because it's you, but I need you to know that you're not getting these jobs." I assured her that I knew these were long shots, but that I had to try, no harm in trying, haha, and there's always a chance! "No. There really isn't a chance. I just don't want you to get your hopes up...It's just that it's pretty much impossible to get a college job unless you have connections to that school." Ok. That was a little discouraging, but honestly, nothing I didn't already know. I once again told her I knew the realities, and knew that in all likelihood I would be working at a high school come fall. "Oh no, there are no high school jobs. You aren't going to get a counseling job next year." Well sure it's a little bleak right now, but there's always hope..."Not really." Oh. Ok. "I mean, you haven't even done a college internship." I stared at her for a moment, wondering if perhaps she had forgotten that she had promised to help set one up for me. When I reminded her of that fact, she nodded her head, but then kind of dismissed it as pointless anyway. The honest truth is, Debbie Downer though she may have been, she was trying to help me. Trying to help me not become depressed by a fruitless job search later. By helping me to become depressed before the fruitless job search. Mission. Accomplished.

I was feeling very discouraged. I wondered what the point of the past two years had been if there was no job to show for it. And then a third internship fell through, and I began to wonder if she might be right, and I should just go apply at Walmart. I just might have, but truth be told I was feeling just the tiniest bit indignant with my professor, for telling me not to even have hope. Who was she to dictate what my future would be? Was she clairvoyant? And I began to feel ever so slightly stubborn about the whole thing. One morning I got the idea to just call every college career center within a fifty mile radius, community, cal state, private, ANYONE, and just see if I could find an internship by sheer force of will.

I called three. Two community colleges, and one small, rather prestigious college, which I contacted in a fit of "why not?!" and was turned down by all three. And by then I lost interest, because I don't actually like making phone calls and frankly it was a miracle that I made the ones that I did. I went back to feeling discouraged.

And then a funny thing happened, The Small Prestigious School called me back. It was their office manager, telling me that while they didn't usually accept interns, they were thinking about opening a position for a part time Career Counselor in the fall, and if I liked, I could send her my resume, and she would hold on to it.

!!!!!!!!!!!

That's how I felt. We stayed in contact, emailing back and forth over the months, keeping in touch about the status of the tenuous job posting. She emailed me the day the job was flown, and I applied that morning, which happened to be the morning I left for Catalina. We almost missed the ferry, but I was too scared that the job would be closed by the time I got back, and there was no internet on the island.

A month passed. No word. About this time I was agonizing about whether or not to go to Hawaii, when there was the possibility of missing out on interviews, and also, who goes on tropical vacations when they're unemployed? (Spoiler, I DO!) But the generosity of my mother, and my spirit of adventure got the better of me, and I booked my tickets. And right after that I found out that interviews would be the week of my Hawaiian vacation. I probably should have cancelled, but the ticket was already booked! And I didn't even know if I was going to GET an interview! So I kept my trip as planned, and as the weeks went by, and still I heard nothing, I figured I probably wasn't going to get an interview.

Irresponsible planning? Maybe. But God loves me, and went ahead and had them offer me an interview for the morning I was scheduled to leave. (I think that it is nice symmetry that I applied for the job the day I left for Catalina, and interviewed for the same job the day I left for Oahu. I should go to islands more often!)

Hooboy, what an interview it was. The whole thing lasted an hour and a half, I met with two different panels and an HR rep, for a total of seven people. I felt really good about the interview, I had strong answers to their questions, felt good connections to the people I spoke with, it was a great experience. Still, it was no guarantee, and I honestly had no idea whether or not I would get that job. But I felt very peaceful about the whole thing. I knew that I had done my best, and that what was meant to be was meant to be.

So I went to Hawaii! And I had a blast. And on the Thursday of my second week there, as I stood on a beach in Maui...I got. the. job.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU GUYS I WAS HOLDING A SNORKEL!!! It was just one of the best moments ever. And look, maybe it was just a series of coincidences that led me to this job, but I don't think so. I believe that those internships fell through for a reason, and that I was inspired to make that phone call that day. Why of all the schools to call, did I call that one? A school I had had ZERO contact with. This job is a dream come true, and it truly feels like it was tailor made for me. I feel blessed, and I feel lucky, and I feel so, SO incredibly grateful. I start August 16, and I actually can't wait.

This one is for Nano. Hi Nano!

2010-07-14T18:05:00.000-07:00

Hello internet, would you like some updates on my life? Because I really really want to tell you about my life, but I seem to have forgotten how to blog, so this will be disjointed at best and trail off Mary Kate style at worst. That only makes sense to me and Lauren because we spent all night watching this. Anyway, here's what's been happening to me for the last few months in chronological order:

FIRST: I was in graduate school, and I complained about it endlessly to anyone who would listen. I've almost certainly complained about it to you personally. In fact, I'm hard pressed to find even one positive mention of school on this blog at all! So good attitude all around. I remember about a month before I graduated I was thinking about all the work I still had ahead of me and I sighed and said longingly to no one in particular: "Ugh, I can't wait until school is over." My mom sighed in a similar fashion and said: "Yeah. Neither can we."

I started feeling significantly better once my comprehensive exams were over, and all I had to do was finish my last two classes and my internship hours.

SECOND: Speaking of internships! I loved mine. I started at a high school near my house in January, and I was really nervous, because of all the levels in K-12, I wanted to work in a high school the least. I much prefer middle school. Which I know, is an odd thing, since most people hate middle schoolers, but what can I say, it works for me. The good news is that high schoolers turned out to be kind of awesome, as did ALL the counselors I worked with. This was very encouraging to me, because as I may have mentioned once or twice, I didn't always love school, and was beginning to get concerned I had chosen the wrong profession. But working with students and the other counselors was an amazingly positive experience, and I can't wait to do it as my career. I hear they even pay you money sometimes? It's all very exciting.

THIRD: I finished said internship about two weeks before my school quarter was over...which meant I was free to take a five day trip to Catalina! Here is a picture of me and Lauren on the boat.

And here is a picture of Lauren and Rebecca.

Annnnd that's it. Those are the only pictures I took on my fabulous Catalina vacation. Ok, fine. I took three more pictures, but they are individual shots of the three of us reading. In the house. Because we're just that cool. It was such an awesome vacation. We'd wake up, lazily wander one by one down to the beach, read for several hours. Lazily wander back to the house, make a sandwich, go back to the beach, read for a few more hours, go back home, read some more, eat some more, watch White Christmas. And that right there folks, is my ideal day.

FOURTH: After Catalina, I came home to three papers and two finals, but I can't even muster the bitterness to complain about them a little. It did seem awfully hard to make myself sit down and write them, but not so much that I actually felt bad. The last day of class we had to attend we had a potluck with our whole cohort and our advisors. It was really cool to sit with everyone and think how we had all made it, all 19 of us. The next day I had one more paper and a take home final that I had to email in to my professor. I finished my graduate education sitting in a Coffebean, eating a chocolate croissant and chatting on facebook. It was kind of beautiful. I came home, and I'm pretty sure that was the day I found out I passed the comps, it might have been the day before though, it all kind of blends together. Sufficed to say, I was delighted. I texted everyone I ever met and told them it was over, I had PASSED! Woo! I'm excited even now!!! I collapsed on the couch at home, and had this exchange with Marianne:

ME: I'm soooooo relieved! It's all finally over, nothing left to do!

MARI: That's so awesome. Now you can finally take that beach vacation you've been talking about!

Heh.

FIFTH: I GRADUATED!!!!! Walking in the processional with my friends felt amazing. I was so proud of all of us, all the work we did, and that we did it together. That elation ended pretty quickly when I realized we were in for a three hour ceremony with like, eight speakers and almost three thousand students. But it was ok, we passed the time playing MASH in my commencement program. When it was our turn to walk across the podium they didn't even say our names (why are my graduations always so ghetto?), they just put our hoods on us, and sent us on our way. It was ok though, I texted my family so they would know to look at the jumbo screen. Pictures!!!

Processional

Master Hannah!

Me and the Parents

Me and Confucius

Me and various family members.

SIXTH/LAST: And that pretty much brings us to now. All I do with my days is read books and apply for jobs. Guess which one I prefer? I also keep going to the beach, and going to Disneyland, and hanging out with friends, and did I mention the books? That I keep reading? I MISSED READING! Because this is apparently my year for fabulous beach vacations, next Tuesday I leave for two weeks in Hawaii with a couple of my girlfriends from school...Ooooh I am loving this summer vacation! There are so many more things I feel like saying, but this post is already so long and boring, that I'll save them for future entries. Hey, it could happen!

PS: OMG I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU ABOUT MY KINDLE! Just wait. That post is coming tomorrow. Maybe.

Workahahahaha

2010-03-17T20:34:00.000-07:00

So I think we can all agree that my weird phobia of email has been well documented. As has my unfortunate addiction to starting new email accounts. Well, it looks like the Electronic Mail Karma Fairy has finally decided to do something about it. I'm in the middle of finals this week, as of today I just have one little paper standing in my way. But last night I was in the full throes of so many assignments I thought my face was going to melt like the Nazis from Indiana Jones. At about 11:30 PM last night, I checked my old UCLA account needing for some reason some information I thought might be in an email there. At which point I finally received the many notifications that had been piling up in my inbox that my email address was about to be terminated. On March 17th. Today. And that's how I ended up spending a frantic thirty minutes trying to back up all of my old emails. Keep in mind that there were over 2000. IN THE INBOX!!! This may seem ironic from a girl who does everything she can to avoid email, but there among the stress inducing professor emails and bank notifications were many treasures that I was unwilling to give up. I stumbled upon one particular email that I had written to my cousin Crystal back in 2006 that struck me as wildly funny given my current situation. I give to you here, misspellings, grammar mistakes and all:

Dear Crystal,

After careful thought and deep reflection, or at least carefully thinking about the possibility of deep reflection, I have decided to become a workaholic. I thought it best I inform you of this personally as I find this to be extremely life affirming. Workaholism seems like the best and easiest way to pay off my student loans that doesn't involve knocking off a gas station or preying on a recently widowed count with lots and lots of family money. Aslo, from what I can assertain from mainstream media, workaholics = adorable suits. I assume this will eventually put me in a position for a corporate takeover of some kind from which I will gain access to skull and bones type organization where we'll all wear formal attire (also adorable)and bungee jump off buildings. Once I've established myself as a corporate head hunter and recieved my commemorative if ethnically stereotypical spear, I'll have a mid-life crisis and marry a recently widowed count who just has lots and lots of family. I get lonely. Oh you may have your doubts..."Are you sure?" you might be asking right now, with a measure of tenative concern in your voice. The answer dear cousin, yes. I am sure. I can see your face now, disbelief, worry,anxiety,
apprehension, alarm, unease, trepidation, concern, amusment, laughter,enjoyment, delight, glee, hilarity, distraction, annoyance, irritation,anger, rage, fury, vengance, boredom, hunger...somewhere among these adjectives there is probably at least one word that fits your face right now. Unless its a poker face. Is it? What do you have?Cowboys? Sailboats? POCKET ACES??? STOP WATCHING CELEBRITY POKER SHOWDOWN HANNAH! OKAY! AND ALSO STOP HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH YOURSELF MID EMAIL!!!! OK...ay. Hi Crystal. How are you? Was I saying something? Oh yes. I'm going to be a workaholic. Or a ninja.

---Countess Hannah McBeal, dragonslayer.

I love how back then I was thought I would be paying off my student loans. Wasn't I just the cutest? Also I feel it important to tell you that the original email was written in purple font. FOR WHAT REASON? I have no idea. Never in my life have I sent an email with anything but respectable black type. At least never in my life since I was fifteen. These are the things that keep me up at night. That and the workahol.

Dreams and Weddings and Buffy Oh My!

2010-03-05T12:18:00.000-08:00

There are many reasons why my sister Emily is great. When we were little kids, she used to like to help me with my homework. She liked "teaching me math". By which I mean: "Doing my homework." Which I also liked! But in the sake of fairness, she would make me do at least one or two problems on our chalkboard to show that I had learned.

I remember when Emily came home from this random trip up to Washington and Canada back in 2004. She had met this boy...and friends? She had fallen hard. Basically from the moment she met Joey Versace, Emily knew this was the guy. Being a very altruisitic sort of girl, I helped her plan the seduction. The plan went like this:

Step 1: Joey and Emily watch the complete Buffy the Vampire series together on DVD.
Step 2: While watching Buffy, Joey falls in love with Emily.
Step 3: Joey and Emily get married!

Best. Plan. Ever. Amirite? Have you ever tried not falling in love while watching Joss Weadon? IMPOSSIBLE. No seriously, that was the plan, and jokes on you suckers! Because as of January 3rd of this year, Emily and Joey have officially begun work on step 3!

And here, my friends, is where you come in. Emily and Joey entered the Crate and Barrel Ultimate Wedding Contest, and are competing for a chance to win $100,000 for their dream wedding. So go vote for them! All you have to do is click on this here little link, and click vote! Let's work together to get me the diamond bridesmaids dress I've always dreamed of!

In all seriousness, these two are going to be happy no matter where, when or how they get married. But I know they would love to be able to have all their family and friends to be able to come and celebrate with them, and I can't think of another couple who deserve it more. These are two of the most generous awesome people I have ever met. Athough Joey has never even offered to do my math homework.

So go vote for them, and then come back here and tell me what your dream wedding would include. Mine involves Hugh Jackman parachuting in and leading the guests in an elaborate musical number, like on the Oscars, but more weddingy and with less Anne Hathaway. And then he marries me. What does yours look like?

Question of the Day:

2010-03-02T19:53:00.001-08:00

If you were given the opportunity to go on a mission to colonize Mars, would you go? Keep in mind: It takes a long time to get to Mars. But not nearly as long as I thought! According to this site you could hypothetically do a trip to Mars in just under three years. So let's pretend that's the timeline. Well I guess that wouldn't really be colonizing it. Well kind of? Ok, Question a) would you be willing to colonize Mars? And question b) if not colonize, would you be willing to go on a three year mission to Mars? What do you mean "Nerd"?

Also, is there a condition under which you would say yes, but other wise no deal? For example: "I'd go if I could call home and talk to my family, but if not then I'd stay home." or "I'll go if Hugh Jackman is there, but otherwise FORGET IT."

And Finally, when you went home, do you think you would be allowed to take rocks and stuff as souvenirs? Or is it like a national park?

No YOU spent to much time on NASA.gov today!

New Year, Last Post

2009-12-31T14:25:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year's Eve! In honor of the occasion, I thought I'd do the ol' New Year's wrap up survey I stole from All and Sundry last year. And you know what? You should to! Is all I'm saying. Without further ado:

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Completed a counseling internship, played charades all night with foreign med students, went retirement community hopping, sang live band karaoke.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I didn't make any, and so I didn't keep them. Or, from a more glass half full perspective, I kept them all!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Sarah did! But I think that she was the only one. 2009 was a slow year for the birthings apparently. Oh wait! No, Allison did too! Nevermind 2009, you were fine.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes.

5. What countries did you visit?

Utah. Utah is like a country...yes?

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

Money.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

None. I think I sort of blocked this year from my memory, the same way I blocked junior high. I remember what happened, but it all kind of runs together into one big laughy/weepy blur.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting an A in my Applied Behavior Analysis class. That might sound a little braggy, but let me tell you, I have never worked harder in a class in my ENTIRE LIFE! I may or may not have put my grade on the refrigerator.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Writing ye olde advent blog. See also: staying organized, doing homework, finding balance in my life.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Same old story.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My Macbook, who I named Spock. Because he is from the future. We slow dance every night. Or, maybe my Disneyland pass. I made a lot of good use out of that bad boy this year.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Lacie's, for moving to California and constantly letting me play with her babies!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Should I go ahead and make the obligatory Tiger Woods reference here?

14. Where did most of your money go?

To Cal State friggin LA.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

There were many moments of excitement in 2009, but probably the only one that merits three reallys for me, would be finishing my last final of fall quarter. Three! Week! Vacation!!!!!!!! Oh! And Marianne and Anthony got engaged! That definitely held a level three really excitement factor, but after that the school thing.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Probably Paparazzi by Lady Gaga. Jeff? I'm glaring at you.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? sadder
b) thinner or fatter? the same
c) richer or poorer? poorer

This is the only question I was tempted to lie on, because it's just kind of a bummer. But, honesty at all times, that's my motto! Say, did I mention that 2009 was a little rough around the edges? So yeah yeah yeah, sadder and poorer, here I am. But, optimistic for next year!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Sleeping. Exercising. Writing.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Spending money on things I didn't need, and feeling sorry for myself.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Christmas Eve dinner at my parents house, with cameos provided by the lovely Bianca and Brittany, Kristen and John. Crackers were cracked, foot was ate, and after dinner we all gathered around the computer to watch Johnny Lingo on Youtube. Surprisingly racist! On Christmas day we opened presents, ate more food, and then saw avatar. Which Changed! Movies! Forever!

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

No.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Chuck, 30 Rock and Firefly. (I don't care if it was canceled, still awesome.)

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I considered deleting this question, but I've decided to keep it in case I develop enemies during the course of 2010.

24. What was the best book you read?

I think we can go ahead and classify this years reading choices under the "fluff" catagory of literature. Much like the year I graduated from my undergrad, reading books that were very profound or dense just wasn't in my skill set. So while I read many delightful stories, none of them were exactly East of Eden is what I'm saying. (Don't worry, still haven't returned that bad boy to the library.) So, with that long and needless disclaimer, my favorite books were probably "Hunger Games", by Suzanne Collins, and "The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance" by Elna Baker.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Glee! Shut up.

26. What did you want and get? A macbook, a Flip (thank you mom and dad!), .

27. What did you want and not get? A kindle. A paid internship. George Clooney.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Probably Up, and Star Trek.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I had a joint birthday party with Emily again, this time luau themed, and I turned 26! It was super fun, and featured the gift of about thirty fake mustaches. Lauren, have I told you lately that I love you?

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A sense of balance. Also money.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Laundry day.

32. What kept you sane?

Without a shadow of a doubt, I can say it was my friends. One area that I always feel unfairly blessed in, is the quality of friends I have. I wish I could make each and everyone of you a friendship bracelet that could properly convey how glad I am to have you in my life.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Right now it's probably Nathan Fillion, because when I went to his fake book signing he shook my hand and winked at me sexily. Which is basically like a proposal when you think about it.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Health care blah blah broken record.

35. Who did you miss? My grandma.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Say it with me: NATHAN FILLION.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

For the love of all that is good and holy, return your video rentals ON TIME .

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

You can't always get what you want

No, you can't always get what you want.

But if you try sometime,

you just might find,

you get what you need.

And I'll get by with a little help from my friends.

Sweatin' to the Oldies: Christmas Style

2009-12-22T09:56:00.001-08:00

I just want to start things off by saying: I'm sure your stocking is very nice. Really! I'm sure it's red and green and very Christmasy. And even if it's not I'm sure it's very nice! I just had to get that out there, because I didn't want you to feel jealous. You see....I have news. Like Casey, Camille and Liz before me: I have a Rachel Knecht ORIGINAL Felt Stocking Creation. BEHOLD:

Hmm? Why yes, that IS Richard Simmons on my stocking.
!!!!!
Let's take a closer look shall we?

When Rachel said she was making a Richard Simmons stocking and say, did anyone want it, I think I may have dislocated my shoulder getting my hand in the air. But the months of rehabilitation were more than worth it, because I can't even convey how amazing this stocking is. The gold thread! the inappropriately tiny shorts! The SHOELACES!!! It's just...a masterpiece.

Thank you Rachel, I love it.

Advent Blog Fail: Day #18

2009-12-18T14:30:00.000-08:00

Are any of us surprised? I didn't think so. So, I was debating just giving up entirely, and then I was just going to start from where I was, and now I've decided to just kamikaze this thing and give you thirteen make up posts in the next hour. And then I got tired. So, lets do that other idea after all.

Let's kick things off with a list of other holiday things I've started and not finished:

1) Gingerbread houses:

My mom came up with this really good idea for each of us to make and decorate a gingerbread house this year. We downloaded a bunch of patterns from the internet, and each made a different one. So far mine has been cut, baked, assembled, and half decorated. I haven't done anything else in a week and a half. But I have full intentions of completing every thing! Which probably makes this the longest gingerbread construction project in the history of ever. Or at least in the history of me. Also possibly the only gingerbread construction project in the history of me.

2) Christmas shopping: I have a little less than half of my presents purchased and exactly NONE of them wrapped.

3) Christmas cards: I got a little ambitious this year and decided to send out Christmas cards. Here is where I am in the process. I have purchased some. Here is what is hindering me at the moment. I...I don't have anyone's address. And also...what does one put in a Christmas card again? I think I'm bad at this.

4) This list.

Advent Blog #5: White Elephant Teaser

2009-12-06T00:07:00.000-08:00

"Ward famous for their excellent white elephant gift exchange gift choices...Hannah and Lauren have really knocked it out of the park this year!"

Unfortunately....we were so busy making the books, that we may or may not have missed the actual exchange. A teaser of this year's offerings:

Advent Blog #4: Cop out post.

2009-12-04T19:04:00.000-08:00

Ok, so it's Friday night, and I'm so tired that I can't even think of a clever metaphor for how tired I am. But! Third day in a row! So here's a youtube clip from the greatest Christmas movie ever made.

This is not my favorite song in White Christmas. It might even be my least favorite...but that's like saying Merry is your least favorite hobbit...it means nothing. Because you love them all! This particular song in fact has some excellent features:

1) Casually breaking into group song to cement a decision.
2) Use of table items to create a visual interpretation of the song.
3) Nonsensical lyrics, i.e.: washing your hair, hands and face in snow. Wha?
4) Vera Ellen's dress.

Peace friends!

Advent Blog Day #3: A Materialistic Christmas Story

2009-12-03T12:29:00.000-08:00

Do you remember back in the day, when the American Girl dolls first came out? Ah, those were the golden days. Back before Mattel bought out the Pleasant Company, and it turning into a frightening example of soul sucking consumerism. You know, back when it was just an example of soul nibbling consumerism. Quite a distinction. So there I was, at the ripe old age of seven, when what should appear in the mail, but an American Girl Catalogue. I remember being genuinely concerned that we were going to have to give the catalogue back. Surely something so wonderful couldn't actually be meant for us. It just seemed too good to be true.

Emily and I spent hours pouring over the catalogue, carefully picking out which items we wanted most, and what order we would buy them in. You know, when we were grown ups and had lots of money. Within the first five minutes it was understood that Samantha was mine, and Molly was Emily's. Kirsten belonged to Emily's extremely cool and sophisticated friend Rebecca Pierson. She was in GATE. Marianne was four at the time, ans so had no say in the matter. She was also probably too busy walking up and down the hallway with a laundry basket on her head singing: "Father's hunting in the forest...till I'm grown..." which is pretty much how she spent the entirety of her preschool years.

Anyway, sufficed to say, we were obsessed. We even played American Girls (minus the dolls). Of course, since we didn't have the books yet, we were a little loose on the details -- the game itself usually involved a time machine and a bunk bed bomb shelter--but still.

So when Christmastime rolled around that year, you can imagine my Mother's surprise when I didn't mention the doll in my letter to Santa that year. We were sitting at the old apple computer we used to have...you know, the kind with a black and yellow monitor...pre-internet, pre-everything really. So I'm dictating and Mom is typing away, and when I start wrapping things up: "my best to Mrs. Claus, etc...", Mom casually asked if I wasn't going to ask for Samantha. I gently patted her hand, and told her I thought that was probably too expensive for Santa. (Keep in mind these items that were already featured on my list: A puppy, a trip to Michigan, Snow. Yeah, those were fine, but Samantha? Let's try to be realistic.) Mom suggested I put it on the list anyway, just for fun...and since I've always been willing to humor my mother's fanciful little whims, I agreed.

Cut to early early Christmas morning...when all was dark, and everyone was still asleep. I knew we wouldn't be opening presents for hours, so I tiptoed out for my customary peek at the year's loot. On the couch next to my stocking, was a brown box. My heart sank. Now, I don't actually remember what I'd been hoping for, but I'm sure it was made of something pink and plastic, and probably sparkly. Most definitely not a brown box. A brown box? What was Santa thinking? I didn't like brown! Brown was like dirt! Now, certainly I figured there was something inside the box, but I couldn't even begin to care about whatever that might be. What can I say? Seven year olds aren't known for their abstract thinking. I took a deep breath and practiced my present face for the morning. No use ruining my parents Christmas over this tragedy...and headed back to bed.

Emily has almost the same story to tell of this Christmas. Only, where I didn't even think it was a possibility, she was expecting a Molly doll. And so when she saw the brown box, she was heart broken. You can tell how anxious she was to find out, by the very fact that she peeked at all. Unlike me, Emily was highly scrupled when it came to surprises. Where I was disappointed, she was devastated.

Well. The end of the story is obvious. Emily opened hers first, and when I saw what she was holding I couldn't even process it. I opened my box in a daze, barely daring to hope, and like a dream I lifted Samantha into my arms. SAMANTHA. OF MY VERY OWN. CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

This would probably be a more meaningful story if I HADN'T gotten what I wanted, and learned the true meaning of Christmas or something...but what are you gonna do?

Christmas: The blog series, Part two.

2009-12-02T22:42:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow will be more creative....really! It might! But I promised daily posts, and an extra today, so here is a picture of Disneyland's freshly decorated castle:

I'm not going to say directly who may or may not have started crying a little when the fake snow started going. But I'll give you a hint. And oh, who are we kidding. I totally teared up too. The holiday celebrations at Disneyland is one of the best parts of Christmas in Southern California! It's right up there with wearing flip flops to pick out a Christmas tree, and commercials for Santa's Village.*

And now, to top model us out, here's me on the carousel:

*Meanwhile, I realize that Santa's Village is probably closed now, and by all reports was kind of sad before it was closed, but it remains one of the great regrets of my childhood that my parents never took me there.

A Christmas Post! Day 1: Sort of.

2009-12-02T17:33:00.000-08:00

Every year when December rolls around, my mom heads down to the drugstore and brings home a chocolate advent calendar for each one of us. Here's a bad picture of one that I stole from google:

If you have supermanlike vision, you'll see little numbers all over that mark the little doors. You open a door and get a chocolate, one for everyday before Christmas.

By family tradition, my brother eats all of his on the first day. Except for the year he was vegan, when he sneered at the very idea. The chocolate's are kinda waxy, but for some reason, they remain a delightful daily treat. And when I eat one, (or seven, depending on how many days I forgot/couldn't restrain myself) it feels like Christmas.

This year, I've decided to turn my dusty old blog into an online advent calendar. Sadly, I have no waxy chocolate to offer you, but in it's place, every day till Christmas I'll post something Christmas related. (Original!) It may be an old memory, photos of what holiday stuff is going on, an inappropriate Rudolph themed haiku...I'm really not sure.

And yes, I am aware that this is in fact the second day of December, so I'm already off to a bad start...but if it makes you feel any better, I haven't eaten my chocolate yet either. To make up for it, I'll put up an extra post later tonight.

My Day So Far:

2009-06-03T19:18:00.000-07:00

Got a letter from the financial aid office saying that they need yet ANOTHER piece of paperwork before they can give me my money for the year. Realized that even when I do turn that paper in, I still am not going to get any money for this summer, so that's fun. Worked on the mountain of papers due before the end of the quarter next week. Kept not having chocolate no matter how many times I checked my purse. Headed off to the group I've been leading for one of my group counseling classes. (I should preface this next sentence with this: I AM TOTALLY FINE!) Managed to hydroplane as I was exiting the freeway and crunched the front end of my car on the center divider. As a result of this I was a couple of minutes late showing up to the school I've been working at, to be met by the principal waving me and my ghetto busted car into the parking lot. Shaky and upset I took a deep breath and headed into the group. I'll keep my description of the group short and sweet. BOYS! TWELVE! RAINY DAY! ENERGY!!!!!! They were working on a project that included writing things on envelope labels. About half way through the group someone had stuck a label to the back of my sweater. Which was excellent because I had just been thinking that what this day was REALLY missing was a "Kick Me" sign. I peeled the label from my back and began preparing a stern-but-kind lecture about respect and authority and probably spelling. The label said:

"Ms. Birch is going to be a great counselor".

I felt a smile spread across my face, and a warm glow spread across my heart. All in all? Not a bad day.

How many times is too many times to write "hate" in all caps?

2009-02-11T20:27:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting in the library trying with ALL MY HEART to study even a little tiny bit for the test I have Friday. And also work on the little (read: HUGELY TIME CONSUMING) project also due Friday. But you know what? A lot of things keep getting in my way. Here they are:

1) Facebook. Too many status updates to read/too many people willing to chat. If only there a way to turn off that function.

2) Gmail.

3) I hate this assignment.

4) Mari accidently drove away with all of my books.

5) Having to use the online resources are making problems 1 & 2 waaaaay too accessible.

6) Suddenly remembered I had a blog. So of course I HAD to go post immediately, because I wouldn't want to neglect my faithful readers.

7) Lauren is being particularly unhelpful, stealing my caffy mints, spreading falsehoods about me all around the library...is a wonder I still soldier on.

8) Did I mention how much I HATE this assignment?

I'd tell you all about the fascinating class that leads me to post here tonight, but I'm feeling bitter about it and I would HATE to complain.

New Years! Woo!

2008-12-31T14:42:00.001-08:00

Happy Last Day of 2008! You know what I thought would be a fun way to finish out the year? No! Not by popping out a hip, that is soooo 2007. An even cooler idea would be to fill out one of those end of year survey dealies, and tell all my friends to do it too! I stole this one from All and Sundry. Now, since I know that most of you probably won't bother checking my blog for a while, (and I cannot blame you!) So even if its mid-February when you finally read this you should still do it, and then leave me a comment so I can go read yours. With out further ado:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

Got video taped every Thursday night for two months doing fake counseling appointments.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't think I made any. And if I did I was too strung out on Darvocet to remember. I keep resolving to write more in this blog, but who knows if that will happen? People should keep sending me things to fill out like this. That makes for FASCINATING reading!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Uh, so so so so many. Crystal and Maria each had one, Lacie had twins, Jamee had Vivian like ten minutes ago, and Amanda is set to pop any second. I'm beginning to think I'm a fertility charm of some kind.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Just Perkins the Houseplant. No one who reads this blog will get that reference. Sorry.

5. What countries did you visit?

This survey is making me feel boring.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

So many things, but I don't want to tell you in case it makes me sound greedy.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

November 4th. I didn't really expect to be as moved by the election as I was, but watching thousands of people across the Nation weep with joy, and hearing Barak Obama's acceptance speech and even McCain's gracious concession speech filled me with pride in my country.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I guess I'd say either getting into graduate school, surviving finals, or getting my time on web sudoku down to 2:41.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Didn't win Publishers Clearing House AGAIN this year. Does that thing still exist?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Just the usual.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My Nikon D40. Excuse me while I go make out with it.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Lauren's and Bianca's for staying up all night at the library to finish papers/study for med school finals. And mine for graciously supervising. And not distracting in any way.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Lacie's, for continually having babies in another state.

14. Where did most of your money go?

To Cal State LA.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The election. And the season finale of Battlestar Galactica. Just love me.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

Paper Planes by M.I.A.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? I think a tiny bit thinner.
c) richer or poorer? Richer. Which is a sad testament to how poor I was last year.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Writing, laughing and relaxing.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worrying.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

At my house with my family, then I spent the next day on the road for the annual treck to Utah for a Haynie wedding.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008? Just with my new camera.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Doctor Who or Pushing Daisies. Or Battlestar Galactica. Or 30 Rock. I watch too much TV.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No. That's a dumb question.

24. What was the best book you read?

Breaking Dawn. Hahahahaha! Just kidding. East of Eden. Go read it right now. I loved it so much that I still haven't returned it to the library.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Rockband. Oh did you mean like an actual music group? Ok. Apocalypse Thursday. What? No, thats not my RockBand band name! Why would you ask...oh shut up. I dig that game.

26. What did you want and get? An SLR camera.

27. What did you want and not get? A macbook. Photography skills. George Clooney.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? For some reason I can only think of like four movies I saw this year, which makes it a toss up between Slum Dog Millionaire and Wall-E.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I had a joint birthday party with Emily, and I turned 25. I wanted to post pictures at the time, but in every single picture the flash turned my shirt see through and you could see the bra I was wearing remarkably clearly. And I'm sorry but I'm just not that kind of girl.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A plan. And George Clooney.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Emily's handmedowns.

32. What kept you sane? I'm not sure I understand the question.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Do I really have to answer?

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Health care. I know. Who am I? Michael Moore?

35. Who did you miss? My roommates.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Probably Tyra Banks. I mean, we didn't technically meet, but I saw her at the Cheesecake Factory, and that's like practically the same thing. I feel like I soaked up a lot of wisdom just by being in the same room.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

Writing things down on your calendar will only help you remember things if when the calendar falls off the wall and behind your bed, you bother to pick it up and put it back on the wall.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. I really hate leaving this one blank, but I cannot think of anything.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnddd I'm out! Happy New Year kids! Thanks for occasionally reading this mess!

NaBloPoFail: A Thanksgiving Story

2008-12-03T14:48:00.000-08:00

"And so I'll post everyday in November!" Ahahahahaha! Oh I slay me. So obviously THAT didn't happen. To be fair however, can I just say that November totally kicked my butt? All the assignments I had been carefully saving up were suddenly DUE! Every single week brought new papers that needed to be wept over and then handed in, ever so slightly damp. I just couldn't write . Don't think I don't hear you all muttering things like "procrastinator", and "whiny", and "wahmbulence". Let me just say that only PART of this was due to the aforementioned procrastination. The other part was the quarter system. We don't need to go into discussions about which percentage goes to which part, lets just all agree that through herculean effort I managed to perservere with grace and aplomb. Quiet, yes I did. Yes I did. And I do to know what "aplomb" means! You know I really don't appreciate this lack of support. Let us turn our attention to some Thanksgiving pictures and put all this ugliness behind us shall we?

Amy and Anna.

A traditional gathering 'round the pie.

Anthony and Mari

Anthony and Joey?

Thats more like it!

My Favorite picture of the whole day.

My other favorite.

Playing Pass the Anna!

Boy she sure likes that lighter!

She sure does.

Lets not tell Cherie, ok?

Mom and Renee slaving away.

And now here's Mari B to Top Model us out!

Reasons I'm Thinking About Moving to My Gym

2008-11-06T23:35:00.001-08:00

What is the hardest part about going to the Gym? Getting up and actually going. Right? If I lived there then all I would have to do is stand up.
Although I haves suggested it many times, my house continues to not have a) a snack bar, and b) a gift shop.
Unlimited Crystal Light.
Individual TVs, so no one has to argue over whether to watch House or Dancing With the Stars.
On site masuses.
The dressing room would provide me with significantly more closet space, provided I could get a few dozen padlocks.
Number of swimming pools at the Gym: 3
Number of swimming pools at my house: 0

I don't know. I think it could work.

Its still technically today! At least until tomorrow.

2008-11-05T23:23:00.000-08:00

Oh man, posting everyday is hard. How do people do it? Well, I guess I'll tell you about my day, which went like this:

Yay! Obama's President!

Man, my room is messy.

Should I go to Costa Rica?

Yes.

Maybe.

No.

Yes!

Maybe.

Cleaning.

Cleaning.

Cleaning.

Episode of Arrested Development.

Facebook.

Cleaning.

Facebook.

Drive to LA for Jamee's baby shower.

Yay for Jamee!

Babies are awesome.

So are diaper genies. Good call inventor!

Eat cake.

Marie Antionette would be so proud.

Drive home.

Write confusing blog post. Is she writing her thoughts or her actions? Who cares! Anything goes!

Acknowledge that Wednesdays are the best days, because there is no class, and then, go to sleep.

Or something.

America!!! Woo!!!

2008-11-04T11:16:00.000-08:00

You can't really see it, but that little sticker on my shirt says I VOTED! But I won't say for who. Oh who am I kidding...I voted for Obama!

Nano is what we call my grandmother. Hi Nano!

2008-11-03T20:22:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I signed up for Nablopomo and forgot, I signed up for Nanowrimo and forgot, and I signed up for this blog and continually seem to forget. Now we're three days into November. So maybe now its too late? Does either one count if I start now? Well I THINK SO! But I'm kind of lazy and I haven't really signed into either site recently so I'm not sure what that means. Maybe I'm on my own this year? I don't know. Basically I think I'ma start anyway. This introductory post should be longer I know, but i'm kind of sick, I'm in the school Library and I have A WHOLE LOT OF WORDS to get written. My goal is to post every day in the month of November. Starting now. And also to write a novel that I will never post ever. Lets hope I don't forget.

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

2008-09-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

Since the last time I blogged I:

Got older, had party, went to Utah, painted a mug, tried to steal Lacie's son, gave him back when it became crystal clear the lad had NOT mastered toilet training, and also because thats apparently not legal in this part of the country, came home, went to eighty billion weddings in various parts of the state, took a Stats class, refused to buy the stupid book, had a teeny party by myself to celebrate the end of said stats class, went to the beach but not nearly enough, BROKE my laptop for good and for real, a pair of tweezers may have been involved (I KNOW, and I don't want to talk about it.), was gifted with real live ART, read East of Eden, decided halfway through that I wanted John Steinbeck to be my literary boyfriend, saw his slightly creepy mustachioed picture on the back, decided we should just be friends, worried about how to break it to him, remembered he was dead, felt better, then felt slightly guilty and possibly a little delusional, and finally I went ahead and broke grammer by writing the longest run on sentence ever. I had a bunch of pictures of these events, which would really make this post a lot more interesting...but they are all on my dear departed laptop, and I just couldn't go one more day with the stupid doctor story up.

I Should Probably Stock Up on Apples or Something.

2008-07-10T21:41:00.000-07:00

You know how some people don't really believe in going to the doctor and only go when, like, they're hacking up blood, or accidentally lost a foot or something? Or slightly less extreme, (and hopefully less graphic, lost a foot? ew.) they have a general practitioner they see every three years or so when they have a cold or the flu or a particularly nasty hangnail? Well. This has not been my medical experience.
I don't so much have a doctor as I have a panel. First there's my primary care doctor, who I actually see very little of, but of whom it must be said, has the best waiting room. (Note to doctors everywhere: Play romantic comedies on the waiting room tv instead of Diabetes home care how to's. Your patients, even the diabetics, will thank you.). And then there's my Rheumatologist, who I see the most often. (actual quote from ol' Rheumy when he found out I forgot to get my blood work done again this month: "Hannah! What the hell dude?!". We have good times Rheumy and I.) My lame hand wringing surgeon who for SOME REASON will not give me the ok to bungee jump even though I SAID I would use a chest harness. Add in a hand specialist, a foot specialist, a chiropractor and a team of highly trained psychiatrists to treat my chronic delusions of grandeur. (At least thats what I like to pretend.) Alls I'm sayin' is, I have a lot of doctors.
What this means is that I also have a lot of doctor appointments, which I'm pretty cool with. I usually have them pretty spaced out, one or two a month depending. But for some reason, without meaning to I seem to have scheduled appointments with pretty much all of them this week. And let me assure you, I'm not complaining, I love all my doctors (Except for Surgeon. Surgeon needs to lighten up.) and I'm totally glad I have the ability (i.e. health insurance) to see them. But boy oh boy. How many waiting rooms can a girl take in one week? And the questions. What medications are you on? When were your most recent x-rays? When was your last period? Do you still have arthritis?Any changes to your insurance? What is the capital of Vermont? Over and over and over. Its a good thing I'm so long suffering. (Also, not dwell, but the nurses at both Rheumatologist's and GP Doc's offices both didn't let me take my shoes off when they weighed me. THAT IS AGAINST THE RULES LADIES! Even SURGEON lets me take my shoes off.)
What I would really like to do is have all my doctors meet me at IHOP or something where they could all ask each other who was prescribing what and compare notes and make recommendations over a nice stack of chocolate chip pancakes. Oddly no one has responded to my invitations to do this yet...maybe next month.

If you squint real hard and look at the screen from an angle, this almost looks like a blog post.

2008-06-26T20:56:00.000-07:00

Oh friends, I am ner-vous. I cannot tell you why exactly because I'm being weird and superstitious about it and I feel like I'll jinx myself if I disclose information, but I will give you these words as clues: conference, lots of people, in charge, me, why, don't know, send help, maybe a cold compress.

Sufficed to say, I cannot wait until its over. If you see me skipping down the lane Monday morning with a spring in my step and a song on my lips you'll know why! (Hint: its not because I love Mondays.)

In other news, my cell phone was stolen. At a Borders. While I was distracted by someone else stealing my sunglasses. It's not important, the real issue is how much I CARE that I don't have my cell phone anymore. You'd think Miss Who Needs Communication With The Outside World would be all over a stolen phone! Perfect excuse not to call people back! But no. I hate hate hate not having a phone. Partly because I had all kinds of necessary calls to make this week, but mostly because I have grown accustomed to putting in reminders every time I make plans to do something, and so all day long I get happy little beepy reminders of where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing. I even get fifteen minute warnings! I've grown to rely on ol' Celly, and now? I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I spend most of the day wandering around in a daze wondering if perhaps I have school today? Dr's appointment? How do I know I wasn't supposed to have some sort of power lunch with my attorneys and I just forgot? I mean, to my knowledge I don't have attorneys and lunch usually consists of peanut butter and jelly, but this is just the kind of information I would entrust to Celly! It's a hard life I lead, but fortunately I'm very long suffering.

And now, because even though I'm hiding it really well I'm still nervous about my weekend, I think we should play a game called you guys tell me what fun things YOU are doing this weekend, so I can jump ship and play with you instead. I mean, calm my nerves or something.

Solid Gold Baby!

2008-06-04T19:25:00.000-07:00

Honest to goodness I planned on immediately updating a list of five things I was good at so as to balance things out, but clearly that didn't happen. So instead how about a random update about my life featuring excessive exclamation points?

Surprise! I'm going to grad school! I want you to know that I'm doing this grudgingly. I don't want you to think I'm not still very upset that the fancy job, solid gold house and snazzy dental plan I was ASSUMING were going to show up after I got my bachelors degree never materialized. Oh I gave it a fair chance, I've been waiting for almost a year now but the C.F.S.G.H. (Committee For Solid Gold Houses) has yet to contact me. Lucrative as substitute teaching is, I decided it was time for a change. And so, after attatching a crisp twenty to my application, I was accepted into a counseling program for the fall! I'm excited, I think. I'm glad to have a plan again, and I was really happy to have the summer off to have the maximum amount of fun before signing my life away for the next to years. Imagine my heartbreak when I discovered on Friday that while the program itself doesn't start until September, I have three prerequisites I have to take this summer. RUDE! I just keep telling myself that two years isn't that long, and then I'll have a masters to hang on the fridge. (And thats probably when the house shows up right?)

Remember when bad meant cool?

2008-05-20T16:29:00.000-07:00

Do you know what is awesome about Liz W.? She hands me blog post ideas FOR FREE! Which is good because its about time for my monthly post. Probably should work on that. Anyway, her suggestion was to write five things your really bad at, and even boldly faced up to her poor avocado selection skills. (I should say alleged, I have no real proof that Liz has poor avocado skills except her word. I might need another witness.) So without further ado:

1) Painting finger nails. I don't know why I never mastered this skill, but even now at the age of somewhere in my twenties, when I try and paint my nails it looks like a kindergartner did it. A charming and well intentioned kindergartner I'm sure...but not exactly known for her great cosmetic dexterity.

2) Filling out applications. Of any kind. School, Job, um...those are the only kinds I can think of. But I HATE them! I just sit and stare at my computer screen for hours doing absolutely anything except actually filling out my application. Occasionally I have to be bribed like the charming well intentioned but kind of ornery kindergartner that I am.

3) Being in charge. Oh how I hate being in charge of anything, especially events. I'm scared to delegate, but I consistently procrastinate the most important tasks (something I'm doing RIGHT NOW!) and spend the whole event in a near panic.

4) Not being in charge. I also don't like being out of the loop. And when I see people planning and organizing I totally want in, and I start getting cranky if I feel like my ideas aren't being given the FULL ATTENTION that they deserve. But I'm worse at #3 and so I try to remember that when I get that boss lady feeling.

5) And finally, I'm bad at chess. Do not understand it at all. I blame this on the prehistoric computer of my childhood. My sisters and I figured out how to cheat and change all our pawns to queens, which, so you know, makes it so that you can win in one move. People get very annoyed when you try to do this in real life.

Opressive Heat and Monday Grumpiness Cause Sporadic Blogger to Mumble About Math and Jousting. Please Send Smoothies.

2008-04-28T17:20:00.000-07:00

Today was hot hot hot! And while I am pretty much a HUGE fan of summer and summer like weather...uck. I only like this weather when I'm at the beach, and I could not help noticing that my math class was held in a class room AGAIN today. (Oh yeah, I teach math now, sort of. It's an after school thing.) But I don't know why I'm complaining because at least there was air conditioning. When I was in middle school, (Oh yeah, it's at a middle school.) we had either NO air conditioning or unreliable air conditioning. Which led to many zombie like classes. Of course I never complained about it because we totally got heat days, where we got out of school at 12:30. Which I thought was only fair since we had no chance at snow days unlike the rest of the world. I was sort of bummed when halfway through my freshman year the district installed new ac systems in all the schools. Anyway, my kids were cranky, and I was cranky, and even though we were blessed with icy blasts from overhead we were not fooled...it was too hot for math and WE ALL KNEW IT! Whatever, this paragraph was boring. Hope you skimmed it!

So I went to a jousting tournament this weekend. (Totally should have opened with that instead.) My friend is in a sword fighting class and heard about it so the two of us drove down to San Diego and watched people in armor charge each other with lances. Actual armor. Actual lances. It was so great. Sometimes I just love watching the weird things that people do to entertain themselves. Like football. Anyway, I wanted to give one of the knights a handkerchief as a token of my esteem so people would know I was a lady, but the best I could do was a slightly used hello kitty tissue, and that just didn't seem appropriate somehow. After that we went to the beach and I was reminded yet again just how gross the water in Santa Monica is compared to the rest of the beaches in California. But I digress.

Oh man, when I sat down to write this post I felt like I had so much to say, but now my lap top is making me feel hot again and all I can think of is how I STILL don't have a swimming pool. Anyone want to come over and sit in the sprinklers with me?

A Brief but Embarrassing Moment in Time

2008-04-03T23:49:00.000-07:00

So I'm walking down the street in the Village headed for my car when behind me I hear a call: "Hannah!" says a voice. I turn around to see a girl about my age staring at me about three shops down. I freeze. I have no idea who she is. Did we know each other in high school? I am always amazed at the number of people who remember me from high school. I only remember like twelve people, and lest you think thats because I was school-jerk, let me assure you that I was merely EXTREMELY shy. Mumbled answers kinda shy. Hide in the library shy. Hair in my face shy. Elaborate one woman show for English class final shy. (That might seem like an sort of attention seeking thing to do but I assure you it was after remaining entirely tight lipped the entire semester, even refusing to read aloud my essay which by the way was a REQUIREMENT, choosing instead to take a C on that project. But it was literally a week before my surgery and I knew I wouldn't be seeing any of those kids for awhile so I threw on a costume, brought some hats and a prerecorded tape and blew the minds of Ms. Bobo's Comp 2 class! And then disappeared for six months. The perfect plan!) Anyhoo, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, so this chick is looking at me and I'm looking at her trying to think of anything that might spark some recognition and she repeats: "Hannah!" now starting to look a little offended. So I smiled really big and we started walking towards each other. When we were about ten feet apart I took a deep breath and said brightly, "Hiiiiiii..."
"Hannah!" she barked at the same moment sort of giving me an odd look out of the side of her eyes.
"I'm coming!" snapped a voice behind me.
"iiii!"
Mortified I meet the strange girl's eyes. She raises an eyebrow. Otherhannah passes me. I veer left into a shop and pretend I was talking to...um, the doorway? I don't know, internet. I just don't know.

"Why I've Been So Quiet Sort of" a brief essay on how I'm weird.

2008-03-18T19:19:00.000-07:00

Hey Internet! Do want to know one of my charming little quirks? Sometimes when I start having a lot going on, or maybe not enough going on, or maybe not really that much going on but oh boy the things that are going, are GOING if you know what I mean, (How could you possibly?), I get a little anxious. But thats not so much a quirk as it is humanity. See, when I get into one of these anxious spells I sort of start fearing the sound of my cell phone. Because, what if it is someone who wants me to do something? Like talk? About my day? So I start "accidentally" leaving my phone at home, or forgetting to charge it, or playing music really really loud so I just can't hear it if my phone goes off. Which is the perfect plan of course except for a little thing called voice mail. And once those start piling up my phobia increases exponentially. Because, now not only do I have to listen to what people wanted to tell me, but I'm going to have to call them back! So instead of doing what a normal person would, I just let the voice mail pile up for several days before I even check to see how many I have. Adorable huh?
Email's worse. With email I'll see that I have like five messages, and I think, oh man I just do not have the STRENGTH to look at these right now, I'll deal with them tomorrow. By which I mean next week. At which point the number has jumped to thirty. Thirty??? No way I can deal with thirty messages, I'd only prepped myself for five! Better leave it for a day or twenty. At which point the emails are in the seventies. Seventies!!! No time for that today no sir! I'll deal with it this weekend. (haha)
When I finally come out of one of these downward spirals and force myself to face the situation it is usually grim. More than a hundred emails and usually several unchecked voice mails. Usually I just delete everything and figure that if it were really important I probably would have been gotten a hold of somehow. I must say, there is a deep satisfaction that comes from clicking that "delete all" button. Occasionally the situation has gotten out of hand (uh, you know, MORE SO) and I've had to abandon email addresses altogether. Anyone still trying to get ahold of me via my hotmail address? You should probably know I'm pretty sure I haven't checked it since 2006. The UCLA email account? Left for dead late 2007. To be honest the best way to get a hold of me is probably to hide in the bushes outside my house. Where I'll be delighted to see you! Except if you're a stalker. In which case please wait respectfully across the street. (If you know me in real life this is kind of old news and you already wait in my bushes if you want to see me, and/or have given me up as a friend because HELLO! Phone Jerk!)
In my most recent February induced funk, (By the way, remind me to rant sometime about how much I DO NOT LIKE FEBRUARY!) I found that this annoying habit of mine extended into blogs! I kept wanting to comment on other people's blogs (Book Recommendations! Friday Fluff! Wednesday Giggles!), but I hadn't updated my blog in forever! Better not I told myself because then people will know I've been online! But I figured if I just stayed quiet people might think I had lost my computer or something. And then they would feel bad for me and still want to be my friend!
Which brings me to the point of this weird and rambly post, because...Guess what??? I found my computer! And also it's March which is way better for blogging anyway.

Oh yeah, remember how I have a BLOG???

2008-03-17T14:43:00.000-07:00

I bet I have all kinds of important things to tell you about including but not limited to: creative employment, plans for summer, long lost sisters and my ADDICTION to mint three musketeers! But instead let me tell you a story called "How That One Time When I Went to Pick Up My Sister At Lunch Today My Car Rolled Over and Played Dead!" It begins with me going to pick up my sister at lunch today, but stay tuned because there is a surprise ending.

The Many Adventures of Hannah Solo

2008-01-30T17:08:00.001-08:00

Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away there lived a couple of witty and well coiffed smugglers enjoying the good life.

Then one day out of the blue they met an angsty young lad who was struggling to understand his new powers, and who needed help to rescue a girl he'd never met but who interestingly enough he'll end up being related too.

"I don't know kid, the last thing We need right now is more trouble. We've got enough troubles between the Empire, Jabba, and trying to keep this healthy bounce and shine. " Han told the Young Lad, tossing his hair.

"Yeah man, no way!" Glared Hannah with her trusty pal Chewbacca.

"Gee, Hannah Solo. What a commanding presence you have. You have beautiful eye makeup, and I like your cool blaster" commented the Young Lad to bashfully. "If not a rescue mission, will you at least join me for a romantic dinner?" he asked, quickly gelling his hair.

"Oh, Alright!" agreed Hannah, and away they went!

The End.

(I don't know why I kept my hair in a pony tail for this whole shoot but I promise I have a cute haircut. I also appear to have what they call in some circles: "too much time on my hands")

Ten Things That Made Me Happy In The Last Weekend

2008-01-29T22:02:00.000-08:00

1) Getting my hair cut.
2) Watching the most recent episode of Project Runway on my cousin's tivo.
3) Getting to see Captain Sparklepants before her Americorp departure.
4) Having my hip abduction brace mistaken for a trendy belt.
5) Having my hip abduction brace mistaken for a Han Solo tribute.
6) New clothes.
7) Pedicures with Emily. I got my done with black polish, because I'm edgy now. You should see my bangs.
8) Going to Yoku Yoku, the best frozen yogurt in all the land! (At least in West LA anyway.)
9) Discovering the joys of Guitarhero. (Um, I don't want to get mad at anyone here, but WHY did nobody introduce me to Guitarhero before this? I think I might have found my life's calling.)
10) Seriously folks, Han Solo. Awesome.

Thoughts on the Draft

2008-01-28T22:57:00.000-08:00

AARON: Man...it sucks that I can get drafted just cause I'm a guy.
DAD: Could be worse, you could have to go to relief society.
ME: Whatever, relief society is awesome, we get treats.
DAD: Yes but what you don't know is that in Elders Quorum we all sneak out and smoke cigars at the end.
AARON: Yeah, but its cool, they're caffeine free.

Thinking

2008-01-24T19:44:00.000-08:00

About time we got that last post of the top eh? Other than my brief visit to the land of the food intolerant, I've been having a simply lovely convalescence. I thought I was going to blog all the time while I was stuck in bed, I thought I would have nothing to do except fill the internets will my pearls of wisdom. But instead my life got weirdly busy. A huge part of it was my fantastic friends who came around to keep me company. I think they must have set up a schedule: "Ok, I'll go on Monday and laugh at her bionic woman jokes and you go Tuesday and pretend you think her brace looks sporty too!" which was quite awesome. On top of that they kept leaving me with stuff to do. I'll tell you right now...need new books to read? Craving something good to eat? Perhaps you've noticed a lack of flowers in your life? GET INJURED! People are way nice to you when you're an invalid. Or maybe I should say more specifically that MY people are way nice to you when you're an invalid. Seriously though, I'm set for books until March I think. Good times.

Besides those delightful distractions I had other things to attend to. Life continues to go on even when your in the middle of a sick day. Or month. I have all these Life Decisions to make. You know. The capitalized kind. The kind that really determine your future and junk. Which is actually probably the real reason I haven't been writing much, now and before. I've been in this weird period of limbo since I graduated college where twice the plans I made ended up falling through at the last second. And while I don't necessarily feel bad about the way things went in either case, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still at square one. I still have to decide what I'm going to do this year, and for the rest of my life for that matter. I'm a girl who likes having a plan, and I feel weird that I don't have one fully formed right now.

Liz has me inspired at the moment, with her Year Of Living the Ideal Life. I guess my goal for the moment is to figure out what exactly my dream is that I need to be living. Girl band maybe? Who knows?

Gross

2008-01-12T17:40:00.000-08:00

Dear Stomach bug,

Seriously? Right now? I'm not saying there's necessarily a good time to loose the ability to consume food, stand up or roll over with out projectile vomiting...but when you are already on crutches, are unable to kneel over the toilet bowl and must wear a complicated brace with a piece that goes right over your stomach seems like a particularly bad time. Go away. I hate you.

Incapacitatedly yours,

Hannah

Pop

2007-12-30T21:15:00.000-08:00

Hi! How was your December? Mine was great! Christmas? Grand! Hello new ipod! And an extra special welcome to the family's shiny new wii. (I had no desire for a wii but holy crap are those things fun! Come over anytime and we'll go bowling.) And now, because I'm not exactly known for smooth transitions here is a gripping and dramatic tale to spice up your new year.

A little background for the three readers (I exaggerate) who haven't known me for eight thousand years. I have a little something called Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. This is for those of us who believe in aging backwards so as to get the unpleasant aspects out of the way. Or some sort of autoimmune disorder, its hard to say. Regardless, when I was fourteen, had delightfully thin arms and was sporting an unfortunate unibrow, I had a double hip replacement surgery. You may think this sounds sad, but trust me, its been an amazing blessing in my life. I always have something to bond over with old people, I beep cheerfully in airport security, and I almost always win in who's got the coolest scar contests. Plus, you know. I can walk. Thats been pretty sweet.

Having major surgeries always come with pro and con lists. Pro: You can walk like a normal person! Con: You must never ever bungee jump. Pro: You're two inches taller! Con: You will never realize your Olympic dreams as a gymnast because you are not allowed to do the splits. Pro: You learned how to pluck your eyebrows! Con: Oh yeah, sometimes your hips might pop out of their sockets.

That last one was the biggie, the reason behind all my new found don't's, (don't cross your legs, don't sit indian style don't try to land a double front flip off the uneven bars...) Because at any moment an extreme position might send one of my new hips right out of their reinforced titanium sockets. I gravely agreed, and with great care and concern I stepped out into the world. It was worth the trade. I was very careful when I first got them, watching and waiting for the inevitable day when they popped out. But...they never did. Despite all the warnings of my surgical team (who could totally beat your surgical team), those hips stayed right where they were supposed to.

Flash forward eight years to 2006 when I ~~bent down to pick up a plug in my apartment~~ was jumping over a vat of electric eels on my motorcycle. Suddenly quite tragically, it happened. Hip popped. It was quite a moment. I actually had to army crawl over to my desk and pull down my laptop and instant message my cousin to have her call 911. (This part of the story is true, I realize it might be hard to tell with me.) It was very dramatic and quite inspiring. Couldn't have come at a worse time, smack in the middle of midterms, but I was confident that I would be able to pop the sucker back in and be back in school by Monday. Hahahahahahahahahaha! No. I didn't take into account the whole healing process. It takes about six weeks for a dislocated hip to heal, all the while wearing a stylish brace that goes around your waist, and connects to a separate piece that goes around your thigh. I was, I must admit, just a little dissapointed. Still, six weeks isn't that long, and before I knew it I was back to my usual skipping self. Older, wiser, and with a new story to add to the old repertoire.

Imagine my surprise a couple of days ago when I bent down to grab a soda off the bottom shelf and when I stood up I heard and felt that distinctive pop. I believe my exact thought was "Oh my gosh you have got to be kidding me. Again?" Which I eloquently verbalized thusly: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!"

My mother thought I had seen a particularly nasty spider. She came to my rescue anyway, as did the rest of my excellent family. (At one point as my parents held me on the kitchen floor and two emt's prepared to move me onto a stretcher while another put in an iv to give me some much needed morphine I suggested someone get the camera and snap a picture for a scrapbook. For some reason I was not taken seriously and so unfortunately I don't have any photos for you.) Anyway, I got to ride in an ambulance WITH sirens, and crack McDreamy jokes with the nursing staff and after a couple of tries got my hip put back in place!

And at the conclusion of this long and sordid tale I must ask you. Why oh why does this always happen in the lamest of ways? If I had known I was going to pop a hip on Friday I would have just gone skydiving. I mean honestly, grabbing a soda? So thats then end folks, six weeks in captivity. Fortunately I'm extremely long suffering. Expect to hear from me often.

Sleepless in Southern California

2007-11-30T02:36:00.000-08:00

It's two am and I can't sleep. Note to self: Don't take Excedrin right before bed...I don't care how bad your headache is! Next time just take a slug of whiskey and be done with it. I was planning to do a post about my cousin's wedding in Utah (yes another one...third one this year!), and my Arizona Thanksgiving. I was going to include pictures and stats just like the last one, but I remembered that I don't have my camera and don't have access to the pictures everyone else took. Everyone else, please send me pictures!

Tonight at in enrichment we had a cookie exchange. This is exactly as delightful a practice as it sounds. Everyone brings a batch of cookies, plus the recipe they used, and shares it with everyone else. I intuitively felt my loyal readers would want a copy of my recipe.

From The Friendly Kitchen: Agnes McCafferty’s World Famous Secret Recipe:

(…for, um, chocolate chip cookies)

You need:

¨ 1 cup of flour

¨ 1 cup of sugar

¨ 1 tin of crisco

¨ 1 pkg chocolate chips

¨ 1 tin of baking powder

¨ 1 medium mixing bowl

¨ 1 cup of hot chocolate…the chocolateier the better

¨ 2 regular sized candy canes

¨ 1 stylish apron

¨ 1 pearl necklace (optional)

First: Preheat the oven to 350, or somewhere in that neighborhood. Next, tie the stylish apron carefully around your waist so as not to wrinkle the silk party dress you are undoubtedly wearing. You may want to bring a full length mirror in at this point to admire how charming and domestic you look. We recommend fastening one to the inside of your pantry for easy access. Now take out the ingredients we’ve conveniently listed above. Carefully arrange these items on the counter for maximum visibility. It's important that passersby know how hard you are working. You may want to include some other things to add authenticity: eggs, butter, baking soda, milk, etc. However, we find that these items can be messy and choose not to bother with them at all. After opening the chocolate chip bag to sample a few tasty morsels, go to your refrigerator and remove one pkg of Nestle Tollhouse cookie dough. Slicing the dough yourself can be exhausting, so we recommend placing one slice of cookie dough in your mouth for each one you place on the cookie sheet. It is important to keep one’s strength up. Now, place the cookie sheet into the oven and cook for however long it is that you are supposed to. I’m sure it’s on the package. After all the dough has been ~~eaten~~ used, be sure to throw the wrapper away so as not to disillusion your guests. Now, you’ve worked hard! You deserve a little reward, so we suggest you treat yourself to a nice cup of hot cocoa, and a candy cane while you wait for your cookies to finish. (Don’t forget to dab just a little flour on your cheeks just before you serve, it adds that “I’ve been slaving over a hot stove all day so you could have this cookie” touch!)

Tragically I was so busy writing the recipe, my cookies burned.

Reader's Digest Blogging

2007-11-10T13:18:00.000-08:00

Things I meant to write blog posts about but couldn't make myself:

1) Halloween - This post would have included such items as the party I had to plan for five stakes as part of my surprise new calling as activities co-chair of my ward, the midnight oil burned in order to complete my and Emily's scarecrow entry in the much famed Village Venture (two ballroom dancing scarecrows with arms around each other with a sign that said "Dancing With the Straws!" It was quite awesome, but was bested in our hippie town by an entry called "Enviroman". ), and finally The Regina Spektor Concert of Magic and Joy and Oh My Gosh I Totally Want To Be Her. Also how the only place I could find white stockings for my Alice and Wonderland costume was in a shop of ill repute.

2) The Regina Spektor Concert of Magic and Joy and Oh My Gosh I Totally Want To Be Her would probably totally have to have its own post. - This post would have included such items as me desperately wanting to be Regina Spektor. Also included would be how I don't even like concerts all that much, but how Regina is so amazing live that I don't think she can even be fully appreciated unless you see her in person. Also how Only Son opened for her, and how at the end he came out dressed like Robin from Batman and they did this beat box version of Hotel Song that was just amazing. I was going to link to the youtube video, but I don't think it really shows how awesome it was.

3) My rediscovered desire to be a musician.- this post would include such soul stirring questions as: Is it too late in life to become a musical prodigy? Yes? How about piano lessons?

4) The Friday of much doom and gloom - This post would have mostly been a blow by blow of me getting pulled over for the FIRST TIME EVER, and recieving my very own shiny speeding ticket for illegedly going forty miles per hour on College, can you imagine? I can niether confirm nor deny such allegations, but I can confirm that it is extremely embarrassing to burst in to tears in front of the stern face of Johnny Law. Also you will still get a ticket. Stupid Johnny Law. This was kind of a complainy post.

5) Facebook - Can we talk about facebook? Here are things I like about it: The fact that people I haven’t seen since I was twelve totally send me messages and I therefore get to catch up with a lot of people I might otherwise never see again. This is a big plus for me. I know some people want nothing to do with the people they went to highschool with, but fortunately I was both non-descript and relatively cheerful through my adolescent years, and therefore have no one to hide from. As for things I don’t like…its not that I don’t like it exactly. As Marianne says…Facebook is a silly place. I'm always getting poked or slapped or having sheep thrown at me...all in the name of frienship. And then there is the newsfeed, which I think of as the Caroline Pierce of Facebook. The gossip that no one really likes and that is always updating you on the weirdest little details like, Dan Somebody and Sally Whatsherface are now friends! And you're like...who? Or: Matt Somethingorother has updated the tv shows he likes! I mean, thats nice for Matt and everything, but calm down Newsfeed! Be cool.

6) My Long Lost Cousin Allison - This particular post is actually only for people who are name Allison and who are also my cousin. It would include such items as: Hi Allison! I'm so excited that you found my blog! Marianne and I have been trying to read yours but I think its not open for public view or something...this must be fixed! We got the picture of your cute baby in the mail the other day, and...oh my gosh! So cute! Also...you have a baby! So cool! We must talk.

Tag!

2007-10-24T13:20:00.000-07:00

Oh man, I'm like the slow kid who gets tagged on the playground and just stands there while all the other kids run away, but then they kind of stop because the kid's just standing there, and everyone is wondering, so is the game over...? And then the kid finally gets it and starts kind of jogging but the rest of the kids are already playing tether ball. Which I guess is my way of saying I got tagged a while ago by Ms. Liz, and then didn't post anything. So even though the rest of my blog friends are totally playing four square now, I'm gonna start running. As far as I remember the rules are this: Write six random facts or habits about yourself, and then tag six people to do the same.

Last year I got blockbuster online, the net flicks knock off where you can trade the movies that have been mailed to you for a free rental at blockbuster. In theory this was the ideal situation for me, I love watching movies, I love getting mail, and I could still go and see my blockbuster boyfriend Roger. (Dear Roger, (Check it out! My first mid-blog letter! And also my first mid-parenthetical-parenthetical.) Remember all those times I made hilarious jokes at the register and you pretended not to think they were funny but you could never quite keep a straight face? And how you always rolled up your t-shirt sleeves like greaser, except the rest of you looked normal? Good times. Love, The girl who could never find her blockbuster card) A typical situation would go like this: Tuesday: Open up mailbox to find three movies, Wednesday-Thursday watch movies, Friday: Take movies to local store, trade them for three other movies, chat up Rog for a minute and leave. Then several weeks later after they had already charged me for the full price of the dvd, I would remember I never returned those movies I got, take them back, hang my head in shame while I got my refund, and then leave. But the thing is that Blockbuster will only give you two months to return those videos before you own them forever. I'm not going to tell you how many movies I now own because of this (12), but I will give you some of the more embarrassing titles: "Truth About Cats and Dogs" (gag), "Step Up", "Ms. Potter", and a lot of other ones, but I can't think of any other ones I didn't like. But seriously, the truth about cats and dogs might be the worst movie I've ever seen. So um, I guess that was a long winded way of saying I apparently am incapable of returning movies on time.
I can say the alphabet backwards really fast. This is something I taught myself how to do in the third grade and remains to date one of my greatest accomplishments.
I have a gambling addiction. The fact that I have never actually gambled in no way lessens the severity of this disease. My responses to Celebrity Poker Showdown, McDonald's Monopoly, Vegas style Solitaire, and regular Monopoly are more than enough evidence.
"Downtown" by Petula Clark is hands down my favorite song. It doesn't matter how sad I am, how worried or stressed or whatever, as soon as I hear those magic words: "When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go....downtown!" I immediately give a teary little smile. By the end I'm belting and doing jazz hands and the people around me are reflecting on what a truly embarrassing friend I am. It doesn't even make sense, because I've been downtown and its not all that uplifting. Even still, the song remains a soothing tonic to my troubled soul.
I love spinning. Not the kind where you're on a stationary bike at a gym going super fast and standing and sitting and killing yourself and all...just, like spinning. Like in a chair, or on a swing or on the teacups back before they made them slow and lame. This is kind of an offshoot of my enduring love for roller coasters. I'm never happier than when I'm plummeting at breakneck speeds before being catapulted in some unknown direction. I really like having my sense of gravity thrown off.
On my sixteenth birthday I accidentally died my hair pink. Your next question is obviously, did I then sing Beauty School Drop out...I regret to inform you that I did not. Instead I quietly freaked out until we figured out a way to fix it. I often kick myself for that lost opportunity.

I now tag anyone who feels like doing this, and no one who doesn't, because the slow kid totally doesn't get the rules of this game.

Still Tuesday

2007-10-23T23:54:00.000-07:00

Oops! I made it a goal to post everyday this week, and while it is 11:57 pm as I type, I still count this as Tuesday so I better post quick, because the clock is ticking. I don't have anything clever or funny to say (which is kind of the norm these days), so we're going to use this as a hopefully informative post. What are good games to play at a ward halloween type party? We're having one on Tuesday and on Sunday I was casually informed that as part of my new calling I'll be incharge of games on Saturday...so, what's your poison? Bobbing for apples? Donuts on a string? Halloween dance off? (I'm not entirely clear on how thats different from a regular dance off, but I imagine it has something to do with the costumes.) Do you see why I should probably have help? Also...prize suggestions? Happy Tuesday in any case!

*Edited to add: Woo hoo I made it! Also, blogger thinks it's only 11:54, which makes me think this computer is kind of a nervous nellie.

Doctor Who?

2007-10-22T16:15:00.000-07:00

So, hello out there. I...am a bad blogger. You have no idea how tragic this is. I love blogs. I read a lot of them. If you have a blog then chances are I read it. And so it was with great confidence that I began this blog to tell all the fabulous stories of my life. And then never ever ever wrote in it. I mean really, cake quizzes? This isn't myspace people. And so in an effort to increase my blog output (which I know, the demand for that is like, so high) lets introduce a new segment I like to call....

"PICK A CAREER FOR HANNAH THAT WILL INCLUDE COOL OUTFITS AND HEALTH INSURANCE AND HOPEFULLY A GOOD DENTAL PLAN AT LEAST UNTIL A WEALTHY BENEFACTOR SHOWS UP AND WHISKS HER AWAY TO A LIFE OF LUXURY JUST LIKE IN PRETTY WOMAN EXCEPT FOR NOT BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE RICHARD GERE AND I DON'T BELIEVE IN PROSTITUTION!"

(I'm working on a slightly pithier title)

Once upon a time I went to college. I stayed there for eight thousand years. They gave me a degree. At the end of this lengthy and expensive (though not as expensive as it could have been thank you public school system!) process I still have to decide what to be when I grow up. Here is a list of possibilities I've come up with so far:

1) Writer
2) Doctor
3) Retro type diner owner
4) Sleuth
5) CIA Agent
6) Astronaut
7) Lawyer
8) Zoologist
9) Vigilante
10) Matlock
11) Rock star
12) Computer Hacker
13) Computer Hero, or rather the Anti-Hacker
14) Counselor
15) Artist

Lets explore some of these possibilities shall we?

Career: Doctor

Outfit: Authoritative Lab coat, comfortable scrubs in traditional blue or in trademark Addison pink. Stethoscope. (This would be a good place for me to include a photoshopped picture of myself on a doctor's body, but I am not gifted in the ways of photoshop, plus that would mean I spent way too much time on this post.)
Projected Earnings: Um, lots. Lets pretend I’m a surgeon. Surgeon's make the most yeah?
Location: Oh, lets see, it could be anywhere, Chicago, Seattle, Los Angeles, New Jersey, I might even start out in New York but end up in a small mountain town in Colorado where I open up a free clinic and try to make sense of life in the face of death and tragedy. Possibly even frontier style.
Excitement factor: Extremely high. Can’t you just imagine me all dolled up in surgical scrubs, asking my trusty scrub nurse Grace to please get me more suction because unless I find the source of the bleeding this man is going to die! I need a thoracodomy tray! And a scalpel! And SUCTION, GRACE! FOR THE LOVE OF PETE GET ME MORE SUCTION!

Best Part: Hmm there’s a lot to work with, the money, the prestige, the sweet possibility of impromptu musicals, but probably getting to see George Clooney around the office everyday.
Worst Part: The fact that George left the show in 1999. Also Medical School.
Projected Outcome: I would start out pretty strong but would quickly lose steam thanks to the lack of sleep. This would cause me to no longer blow dry my hair causing it to lose luster and shine. Unwilling to cope with this loss I start experimenting with different chemical compounds, eventually coming out with my own line of hair care products, which naturally leads to a show on Bravo. But lets be honest, that fame would go right to my head and before I know it I would develop some sort of addiction, most likely cheese. After a rapid decline my other attractive and well coifed friends would have an intervention for me and send me to a star studded rehab center. There I would form an alliance with Britney and Lindsey, vowing to take charge of our lives and change for the better. After swearing off the sauce Lindsey goes to back to school and eventually gets a prestigious fellowship at Harvard for her work in the field of Genetics. After a few classes and a couple of long heart to hearts with Madonna, Britney figures out the whole parenting thing and is able to restart her career. Unwilling to leave her children to go on tour she opens the Britney Spear’s School of Pop, for kids who want to learn how to sing good and how to do other things good too. At the ribbon cutting ceremony a man has a heart attack...or um, like, stops breathing. You know. Something medical. And I SAVE HIM! Which reminds me of my original ambitions to be the worlds greatest cardiologist...or respiratory surgeon. Whatever, the important thing is that George and I totally make out in the end.

Tune in next week to see what life would be like if I was Matlock!

In Which I Disclose an Embarrassing Weakness for Online Quizzes

2007-09-16T23:30:00.000-07:00

Oh yes! I have a blog! And don't worry, I have many important/humorous/topical items to discuss with you all. For example, hypothetically speaking, if somebody somewhere maybe took an online quiz to determine what kind of cake they would be. You know. If they were a cake. And then maybe they looked at the result and thought ha ha! That's funny! Sooo much cooler than the "Which Jane Austen character are you?" quiz I took last week.* Hypothetically speaking.

You Are Strawberry Cake

Fresh, sassy, and romantic.
You're a total flirt, who never would turn down a sugary treat.
Occasionally you're a bit moody - but you usually stay sweet!

What Kind of Cake Are You?

How did you know??? I am fresh, sassy and romantic! And strawberry cake is my favorite! I know. I'm sorry. I promise to blog for real from now on.

*I take it back. There is NOTHING cooler than finding out which Jane Austen character an arbitrary set of question determines you are! Emma Woodhouse if you were wondering. And yes, I was a little sad that I didn't get Elizabeth Bennett. I'm pretty sure the determining factor was the question "Which of the following actresses would be most likely to play you if they made a movie of your life?" I clicked the Gwyneth Paltrow box instead of the Keira Knightly box. In clearly should have picked Keira if I wanted to get Eliza, but I believe in honesty in these quizzes and while Gwyneth in no way resembles me, she is American and she does have freckles. Two things Keira will NEVER understand. I almost went back and switched it so I would end up a theoretical Mrs. Darcy after all, but in the end I just couldn't compromise my integrity.** Upon further reflection I decided that Emma wasn't so bad, and really she was a sort of humanitarian if you think about it. Also I've always kind of wanted to be a matchmaker and I've always been not that good at it, so its actually quite fitting.

**Um, that's a lie. I have no integrity. I totally went back and switched my answers twice on that cake quiz because I kept ending up as red velvet cake. I don't know much in this crazy world, but one thing I know for sure is that there is NO WAY I'm Red Velvet.

UTAH!!!

2007-08-30T14:02:00.000-07:00

We got back from Utah on Monday! It was a grand old time, filled with singing, dancing and comic relief. No, not a musical, Julie's wedding! Well. Kind of like a musical. Julie got married on Saturday 25 at the Manti Temple.

Wedding Stats:

Height of the Bride: 4'10 1/2

Height of the Groom: 6'4

Number of bridesmaids: 3

Number of anti-brunette toddlers: 1 (This picture captures the four seconds that Caleb didn't cry when I was holding him. Hairist.)

Number of times we thought Uncle Joe was going to kill himself putting up wedding lights: Lots

Number of times Uncle Joe did kill himself putting up wedding lights: 0 (Hooray!)

Number of Tractors: 1

Number of crazy cool cousins dancing like dancing loons: Um...let me count...5 Burchs plus 4 Becks, plus assorted Bangerters and Haynies, minus a missionary, multiplied by 3 imports(Welcome to the fam Bernie, Shane and Steven!) , carry the Ben, divided by 2 = I don't know but we had fun!

------
(Let's pause for a brief yet random story!)

The night before the wedding, Jana, Marianne and I spent the night in the Haynie's Fairview farmhouse. Jana wanted to go for a walk, but being in a dark and isolated area didn't want to walk alone. Mari and I make it a point to try to be useful so we drove slowly along side Jana for 45 minutes, helpfully singing songs in place of her ipod. Safety first.

(And Scene!)

------

And now for my new favorite picture of Mari and I.

MARI (sneakily): Hey! Lets take a picture making the goofiest faces we can!

HANNAH (in a deceptively innocent tone): Ok!

*both snicker and look at the camera*

Upon discovery of the mutual deception:

Utah. She is fun.

Ode to Me

2007-07-27T17:58:00.000-07:00

So I created this blog a while ago, but I kept not being able to think of anything to write. (Such is my own excitingness.) So finally I decided that in honor of my 24th birthday on Monday (July 23) In no particular order and for no particular reason, here are 24 things about me:

1) At this moment I'm wearing pink plaid shorts. (They're cuter than they sound.)
2) Curry is my favorite food in the world. Thai curry, Indian curry, red curry, green curry, yellow curry, I love it all.
3) My favorite band is Ozma
4) My preferred method of curling my hair is to twist it into a tight bun on the top of my head. (Think Mulan, very hot.) I leave it there for a day or so and then let it out and my hair is limply curly. Well, its maybe not my preferred method, but it's definitely the one I use most often.
5) When I was four I met Dolly Parton.
6) One of my favorite movies when I was a little kid was Big Business, which may or may not have been related to #5.
7) I can say the alphabet backwards really fast. While patting my head and rubbing my stomach. And hopping up and down on one foot. And turning in circles.
8) When I was a kid my greatest ambition was to become an Olympic gymnast. I worked towards this goal by doing somersaults on the back of our leather couch in the living room while instructing on lookers to pretend that they were back flips.
9) Phish food is my favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor.
10) But I prefer Hagen Daz.
11) But I don't usually buy either one because I'm not made of money.
12) I wish I were made of money.
13) Well, not literally because that might make wearing shoes kind of difficult, but a little extra cash wouldn't hurt.
14) While I don't have a favorite number exactly, the number 8 is most definitely my least favorite number.
15) Last summer I taught English in Taiwan for two months.
16) While I was there I learned how to say about five things in Mandarin.
17) I recently graduated from UCLA with a BA in History. This means I am qualified to:

Go to graduate school
Make scoffing noises during Mel Gibson movies
Work at Barnes and Noble

18) My best friend is Lacie, who every now and then has adorable children like this one.

19)When I was in high school I was obsessed with being a spy. This manifested itself in various aliases, the occasional wearing of black leather(ette) pants and the liberal use of Lacie's little brothers' walkie-talkies.

20) I think the term "walkie-talkie" is hilarious. Particularly when used in reference to the military.

21) I think the world would be a better place if nobody talked to each other until ten. I actually think wars would stop. I base this primarily on my senior year of high school when I didn't have class until ten. I would wake up to the sound of my mom peeling out of the drive way around eight, and then float around the pleasantly empty house. I'd make some cereal, watch a little Matlock, it was pretty much awesome.

22) I want to be Andy Griffith when I grow up.

23) I used to be addicted to coloring my hair, but this addiction came to an abrupt halt when my friend stopped working in a salon and started having adorable children of her own.

24) While I myself don't have children, I do my utmost to strive towards being adorable.