Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Thirteen years ago today I had bilateral hip replacement surgery. Is that dramatic or what? You can imagine that it was something of a “to do” back in the day.

I had two great fears in approaching the operation. The first was the fact that after the surgery I would be confined to my bed for at least a week. Oh dear, this is still a bit delicate to discuss. Well, the thing is…oh fine. I’ll just say it. Bedpans. I was utterly horrified about the idea of using a bedpan. Several people had prepared me gently for this, nurses, doctors, a social worker or two. There was nothing to be embarrassed about, everyone was a professional, it would be no big deal, and it would simply have to be done at least for the first couple of days. Ha! I smiled and nodded politely when they discussed it with me, but privately I vowed I would never lower myself to that. My plan, as I recall, was simply to walk to the bathroom and use the toilet like an adult. I would be a marvel! Everyone would be stunned by my fortitude and resiliency! Really, all one needed was the proper motivation and one could accomplish anything. So yeah. That was my big plan. Just get up and walk! Problem solved. Oh Little Hannah. You are a treasure.

My other deep fear was the fact that I would be naked during the surgery. No, I’m not kidding. Of course in real life I was modestly draped, really entirely covered except for the portion they were working on, but I hadn’t watched a lot of surgery shows at that point, so how was I supposed to know? In my mind I imagined my body splayed out on the table for all the world to see. And by world I mean…doctors. Male doctors! I was terribly embarrassed about the whole thing. As any self respecting self conscious fourteen year old should be.

During the pre-op appointment, I sat with my doctor wearing nothing but a gown and a little robe thing. My doctor wanted to draw lines on my hips to mark wear the incisions would be, but before lifting my gown asked me if I was wearing underwear. Internally I was kicking myself for casting my undies aside prematurely, while outside I was trying to play it cool, all: “Who me? No I never wear underwear. What am I a nerd?” It was a little traumatic. Poor Little Hannah.

In retrospect it is possible that I was nervous about the wrong things. I do remember a couple of times trying to drum up a little fear of oh, I don’t know, dying. But it never felt real. I definitely enjoyed the sense of drama it gave me, but I was never really scared of dying, or of pain, or of any of it really. My fear was basically limited to going to the bathroom, and people seeing my nuddy-self.

I like to give past Hannah a hard time. I blame her for a lot of my current problems. Like, if past-Hannah had dealt with her email, I wouldn’t have 48 unanswered emails in my inbox right now! And if past-Hannah had just applied herself a little, I could be a lawyer or a doctor or a trophy wife by now. And really past-Hannah…are all of those brownies necessary?

But in this particular matter, I look back at past-Hannah with a little bit of awe. Because you see, what fourteen year old Hannah did, was something that twenty-seven year old Hannah would have a much harder time with. If I had to make that choice now, I would be pouring over outcomes and googling horror stories, convincing myself they were all about to happen to me. Man, what a gift that was. If I hadn’t done that surgery, I would most likely be in a wheelchair right now. It’s kind of stunning when I think back on things I could not do for before that surgery. I mean, things like walking around school, yes. But also truly basic things, like getting up off the floor by myself. Imagine having to ask someone to lift you every time you tried to stand. I don’t even think about it anymore. My life is so different than what it was, and what it could have been—and you will have to excuse me for getting a little schmaltzy for moment, but I am so, so grateful to the fourteen year old me who went through the hard part, so current me could reap the benefits. (And, you know. I guess the surgeons helped a little too.)

So, happy hipiversary to me I guess! I always feel like I should throw a hula party or something to commemorate, but in the meantime, feel free to swivel your hips in general celebration.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Yes it's February Second, but Here's that End of Year Survey Anyway.

Oh I do love a good survey. That's not really true, but I keep doing this one anyway...I actually wrote this back at the end of December, but then promptly forgot about it. I'm posting it now anyway, because the Mormon in me appreciates the journalistic value...but please don't feel obligated to read it. Hearts!

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

I got a masters degree.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Last year I wrote a fear list. Twelve things I have always wanted to do, but have been too afraid to do. My goal was to do one a month till they were all crossed off, I did five of them. But I really enjoyed doing that, and I think I’ll probably do something similar this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Hooboy, was this ever a banner year for Haynie births! Megan, Diana, Maria and Sarah all had babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, halleluiah.

5. What countries did you visit?

I am officially hereby changing this question forever. It will now read:

5. What trips did you take?

This was the year of fabulous beach vacations for me. In April I went to San Francisco, In May I went to Catalina, and in July I went to fabulous Oahu and Maui! On the non-beach front I also spent Thanksgiving in Delta, Utah (with a side trip to Provo to see the Bangerters), and I am currently in Idaho, where I wear a daily minimum of two pairs of pants, much to the amusement of my hosts. Ooh! And we spent the day in Wyoming. So. You know. Add that to the list.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Probably a new car…my beloved Betty stopped working in, oh, I don’t know…January? It’s probably time to get on that.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The day I got my job.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?


9. What was your biggest failure?

Nanowrimo yet again. But I can’t even feel bad about it…I wrote thirty pages and I’m still working on it. Excitement!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Same old same old.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Mah Kindle. L-U-V LOVE.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My friends, who consistently give me opportunities to dress up

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

You know, I quite like myself, and generally enjoy being me. But whenever I see this question the things that pop into mind are my own mistakes, character flaws and missteps. I think I appall and depress myself more than anyone I can think of. But fortunately my strengths, talents, and artistic abilities help me see that there is change, there is balance, and there is forgiveness.

14. Where did most of your money go?

For the last time I will have to say: Cal State LA!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The gaga party, Club 33, the release of Mocking Jay,

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Is it too sad to put Bad Romance down? I mean I KNOW! Unoriginal. But seriously, I sang that song soooo much this year. It’s got to be Gaga.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
Deffo fatter.
c) richer or poorer?
Eh, richer, but considering I had a salary of zero last year that is not saying much.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Read books, read my scriptures, doing chores on time, laughing

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Reading blogs, being online, procrastinating,

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Christmas Eve I spent with my family eating dinner, cracking crackers, wearing paper crowns, and watching pugs play with each other in the living room. Christmas morning we opened presents with the fam, and then Alex and I jumped in the car and drove all the way to Idaho to spend the week with his family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

Why yes I did.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

I guess 30 Rock and Community. No good dramas at the moment, que lastima.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Dumb question, I’m deleting it after this year.

24. What was the best book you read?

Mocking Jay, Watership Down, Cold Mountain and The Help were all great reads.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I honestly didn’t have one. I’m terrible at discovering music. Maybe I’ll make musical discovery a resolution for 2011.

26. What did you want and get?

A job, a degree, a boyfriend and a trip to Hawaii.

27. What did you want and not get?

Honestly, I got so many things in this last year that to answer this question feels a little ungrateful and Veruca Saltesque. But you know, if we’re going with it…a car.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Toy Story 3, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Inception and True Grit. [Edit: I didn't see The King's Speech until after New Years]

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I went to a luau in Oahu, and I turned 27.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Is it crass if I just blatantly say more money? You know what? That doesn’t even matter. This year was incredibly satisfying. No additions needed.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Pencil skirts at work, skinny jeans for play.

32. What kept you sane?

Friends. Forever and Always. Which I’m pretty sure is the title of Justin Bieber’s memoir, but there you go.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I’m having a real Neal Patrick Harris phase

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

I very consciously spent most of this year not getting stirred by political issues. I hid everyone in my facebook stream who often writes politically charged updates, and kind of stopped listening to or reading the news. I’m much less informed but also significantly more cheerful about politics in general. In the new year I’m going to start adding the news back in, but I think I’ll try to keep my political angst to a minimum. And I’ll just say, facebook is not the place for politics…oh no it is not.

35. Who did you miss?

Bianca, who kept fleeing for rotations.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

This Guy.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

Leaps of faith are hard…but you can end up some really good places when you make them./Sometimes I am sappy.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I might get rid of this question too. Mostly cause I can never answer it.

Happy New Year! [One month late.]