Sunday, December 30, 2007


Hi! How was your December? Mine was great! Christmas? Grand! Hello new ipod! And an extra special welcome to the family's shiny new wii. (I had no desire for a wii but holy crap are those things fun! Come over anytime and we'll go bowling.) And now, because I'm not exactly known for smooth transitions here is a gripping and dramatic tale to spice up your new year.

A little background for the three readers (I exaggerate) who haven't known me for eight thousand years. I have a little something called Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. This is for those of us who believe in aging backwards so as to get the unpleasant aspects out of the way. Or some sort of autoimmune disorder, its hard to say. Regardless, when I was fourteen, had delightfully thin arms and was sporting an unfortunate unibrow, I had a double hip replacement surgery. You may think this sounds sad, but trust me, its been an amazing blessing in my life. I always have something to bond over with old people, I beep cheerfully in airport security, and I almost always win in who's got the coolest scar contests. Plus, you know. I can walk. Thats been pretty sweet.

Having major surgeries always come with pro and con lists. Pro: You can walk like a normal person! Con: You must never ever bungee jump. Pro: You're two inches taller! Con: You will never realize your Olympic dreams as a gymnast because you are not allowed to do the splits. Pro: You learned how to pluck your eyebrows! Con: Oh yeah, sometimes your hips might pop out of their sockets.

That last one was the biggie, the reason behind all my new found don't's, (don't cross your legs, don't sit indian style don't try to land a double front flip off the uneven bars...) Because at any moment an extreme position might send one of my new hips right out of their reinforced titanium sockets. I gravely agreed, and with great care and concern I stepped out into the world. It was worth the trade. I was very careful when I first got them, watching and waiting for the inevitable day when they popped out. But...they never did. Despite all the warnings of my surgical team (who could totally beat your surgical team), those hips stayed right where they were supposed to.

Flash forward eight years to 2006 when I bent down to pick up a plug in my apartment was jumping over a vat of electric eels on my motorcycle. Suddenly quite tragically, it happened. Hip popped. It was quite a moment. I actually had to army crawl over to my desk and pull down my laptop and instant message my cousin to have her call 911. (This part of the story is true, I realize it might be hard to tell with me.) It was very dramatic and quite inspiring. Couldn't have come at a worse time, smack in the middle of midterms, but I was confident that I would be able to pop the sucker back in and be back in school by Monday. Hahahahahahahahahaha! No. I didn't take into account the whole healing process. It takes about six weeks for a dislocated hip to heal, all the while wearing a stylish brace that goes around your waist, and connects to a separate piece that goes around your thigh. I was, I must admit, just a little dissapointed. Still, six weeks isn't that long, and before I knew it I was back to my usual skipping self. Older, wiser, and with a new story to add to the old repertoire.

Imagine my surprise a couple of days ago when I bent down to grab a soda off the bottom shelf and when I stood up I heard and felt that distinctive pop. I believe my exact thought was "Oh my gosh you have got to be kidding me. Again?" Which I eloquently verbalized thusly: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!"

My mother thought I had seen a particularly nasty spider. She came to my rescue anyway, as did the rest of my excellent family. (At one point as my parents held me on the kitchen floor and two emt's prepared to move me onto a stretcher while another put in an iv to give me some much needed morphine I suggested someone get the camera and snap a picture for a scrapbook. For some reason I was not taken seriously and so unfortunately I don't have any photos for you.) Anyway, I got to ride in an ambulance WITH sirens, and crack McDreamy jokes with the nursing staff and after a couple of tries got my hip put back in place!

And at the conclusion of this long and sordid tale I must ask you. Why oh why does this always happen in the lamest of ways? If I had known I was going to pop a hip on Friday I would have just gone skydiving. I mean honestly, grabbing a soda? So thats then end folks, six weeks in captivity. Fortunately I'm extremely long suffering. Expect to hear from me often.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Sleepless in Southern California

It's two am and I can't sleep. Note to self: Don't take Excedrin right before bed...I don't care how bad your headache is! Next time just take a slug of whiskey and be done with it. I was planning to do a post about my cousin's wedding in Utah (yes another one...third one this year!), and my Arizona Thanksgiving. I was going to include pictures and stats just like the last one, but I remembered that I don't have my camera and don't have access to the pictures everyone else took. Everyone else, please send me pictures!

Tonight at in enrichment we had a cookie exchange. This is exactly as delightful a practice as it sounds. Everyone brings a batch of cookies, plus the recipe they used, and shares it with everyone else. I intuitively felt my loyal readers would want a copy of my recipe.

From The Friendly Kitchen: Agnes McCafferty’s World Famous Secret Recipe:

(…for, um, chocolate chip cookies)

You need:

¨ 1 cup of flour

¨ 1 cup of sugar

¨ 1 tin of crisco

¨ 1 pkg chocolate chips

¨ 1 tin of baking powder

¨ 1 medium mixing bowl

¨ 1 cup of hot chocolate…the chocolateier the better

¨ 2 regular sized candy canes

¨ 1 stylish apron

¨ 1 pearl necklace (optional)

First: Preheat the oven to 350, or somewhere in that neighborhood. Next, tie the stylish apron carefully around your waist so as not to wrinkle the silk party dress you are undoubtedly wearing. You may want to bring a full length mirror in at this point to admire how charming and domestic you look. We recommend fastening one to the inside of your pantry for easy access. Now take out the ingredients we’ve conveniently listed above. Carefully arrange these items on the counter for maximum visibility. It's important that passersby know how hard you are working. You may want to include some other things to add authenticity: eggs, butter, baking soda, milk, etc. However, we find that these items can be messy and choose not to bother with them at all. After opening the chocolate chip bag to sample a few tasty morsels, go to your refrigerator and remove one pkg of Nestle Tollhouse cookie dough. Slicing the dough yourself can be exhausting, so we recommend placing one slice of cookie dough in your mouth for each one you place on the cookie sheet. It is important to keep one’s strength up. Now, place the cookie sheet into the oven and cook for however long it is that you are supposed to. I’m sure it’s on the package. After all the dough has been eaten used, be sure to throw the wrapper away so as not to disillusion your guests. Now, you’ve worked hard! You deserve a little reward, so we suggest you treat yourself to a nice cup of hot cocoa, and a candy cane while you wait for your cookies to finish. (Don’t forget to dab just a little flour on your cheeks just before you serve, it adds that “I’ve been slaving over a hot stove all day so you could have this cookie” touch!)

Tragically I was so busy writing the recipe, my cookies burned.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Reader's Digest Blogging

Things I meant to write blog posts about but couldn't make myself:

1) Halloween - This post would have included such items as the party I had to plan for five stakes as part of my surprise new calling as activities co-chair of my ward, the midnight oil burned in order to complete my and Emily's scarecrow entry in the much famed Village Venture (two ballroom dancing scarecrows with arms around each other with a sign that said "Dancing With the Straws!" It was quite awesome, but was bested in our hippie town by an entry called "Enviroman". ), and finally The Regina Spektor Concert of Magic and Joy and Oh My Gosh I Totally Want To Be Her. Also how the only place I could find white stockings for my Alice and Wonderland costume was in a shop of ill repute.

2) The Regina Spektor Concert of Magic and Joy and Oh My Gosh I Totally Want To Be Her would probably totally have to have its own post. - This post would have included such items as me desperately wanting to be Regina Spektor. Also included would be how I don't even like concerts all that much, but how Regina is so amazing live that I don't think she can even be fully appreciated unless you see her in person. Also how Only Son opened for her, and how at the end he came out dressed like Robin from Batman and they did this beat box version of Hotel Song that was just amazing. I was going to link to the youtube video, but I don't think it really shows how awesome it was.

3) My rediscovered desire to be a musician.- this post would include such soul stirring questions as: Is it too late in life to become a musical prodigy? Yes? How about piano lessons?

4) The Friday of much doom and gloom - This post would have mostly been a blow by blow of me getting pulled over for the FIRST TIME EVER, and recieving my very own shiny speeding ticket for illegedly going forty miles per hour on College, can you imagine? I can niether confirm nor deny such allegations, but I can confirm that it is extremely embarrassing to burst in to tears in front of the stern face of Johnny Law. Also you will still get a ticket. Stupid Johnny Law. This was kind of a complainy post.

5) Facebook - Can we talk about facebook? Here are things I like about it: The fact that people I haven’t seen since I was twelve totally send me messages and I therefore get to catch up with a lot of people I might otherwise never see again. This is a big plus for me. I know some people want nothing to do with the people they went to highschool with, but fortunately I was both non-descript and relatively cheerful through my adolescent years, and therefore have no one to hide from. As for things I don’t like…its not that I don’t like it exactly. As Marianne says…Facebook is a silly place. I'm always getting poked or slapped or having sheep thrown at me...all in the name of frienship. And then there is the newsfeed, which I think of as the Caroline Pierce of Facebook. The gossip that no one really likes and that is always updating you on the weirdest little details like, Dan Somebody and Sally Whatsherface are now friends! And you're like...who? Or: Matt Somethingorother has updated the tv shows he likes! I mean, thats nice for Matt and everything, but calm down Newsfeed! Be cool.

6) My Long Lost Cousin Allison - This particular post is actually only for people who are name Allison and who are also my cousin. It would include such items as: Hi Allison! I'm so excited that you found my blog! Marianne and I have been trying to read yours but I think its not open for public view or something...this must be fixed! We got the picture of your cute baby in the mail the other day, and...oh my gosh! So cute! have a baby! So cool! We must talk.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


Oh man, I'm like the slow kid who gets tagged on the playground and just stands there while all the other kids run away, but then they kind of stop because the kid's just standing there, and everyone is wondering, so is the game over...? And then the kid finally gets it and starts kind of jogging but the rest of the kids are already playing tether ball. Which I guess is my way of saying I got tagged a while ago by Ms. Liz, and then didn't post anything. So even though the rest of my blog friends are totally playing four square now, I'm gonna start running. As far as I remember the rules are this: Write six random facts or habits about yourself, and then tag six people to do the same.

  1. Last year I got blockbuster online, the net flicks knock off where you can trade the movies that have been mailed to you for a free rental at blockbuster. In theory this was the ideal situation for me, I love watching movies, I love getting mail, and I could still go and see my blockbuster boyfriend Roger. (Dear Roger, (Check it out! My first mid-blog letter! And also my first mid-parenthetical-parenthetical.) Remember all those times I made hilarious jokes at the register and you pretended not to think they were funny but you could never quite keep a straight face? And how you always rolled up your t-shirt sleeves like greaser, except the rest of you looked normal? Good times. Love, The girl who could never find her blockbuster card) A typical situation would go like this: Tuesday: Open up mailbox to find three movies, Wednesday-Thursday watch movies, Friday: Take movies to local store, trade them for three other movies, chat up Rog for a minute and leave. Then several weeks later after they had already charged me for the full price of the dvd, I would remember I never returned those movies I got, take them back, hang my head in shame while I got my refund, and then leave. But the thing is that Blockbuster will only give you two months to return those videos before you own them forever. I'm not going to tell you how many movies I now own because of this (12), but I will give you some of the more embarrassing titles: "Truth About Cats and Dogs" (gag), "Step Up", "Ms. Potter", and a lot of other ones, but I can't think of any other ones I didn't like. But seriously, the truth about cats and dogs might be the worst movie I've ever seen. So um, I guess that was a long winded way of saying I apparently am incapable of returning movies on time.
  2. I can say the alphabet backwards really fast. This is something I taught myself how to do in the third grade and remains to date one of my greatest accomplishments.
  3. I have a gambling addiction. The fact that I have never actually gambled in no way lessens the severity of this disease. My responses to Celebrity Poker Showdown, McDonald's Monopoly, Vegas style Solitaire, and regular Monopoly are more than enough evidence.
  4. "Downtown" by Petula Clark is hands down my favorite song. It doesn't matter how sad I am, how worried or stressed or whatever, as soon as I hear those magic words: "When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go....downtown!" I immediately give a teary little smile. By the end I'm belting and doing jazz hands and the people around me are reflecting on what a truly embarrassing friend I am. It doesn't even make sense, because I've been downtown and its not all that uplifting. Even still, the song remains a soothing tonic to my troubled soul.
  5. I love spinning. Not the kind where you're on a stationary bike at a gym going super fast and standing and sitting and killing yourself and all...just, like spinning. Like in a chair, or on a swing or on the teacups back before they made them slow and lame. This is kind of an offshoot of my enduring love for roller coasters. I'm never happier than when I'm plummeting at breakneck speeds before being catapulted in some unknown direction. I really like having my sense of gravity thrown off.
  6. On my sixteenth birthday I accidentally died my hair pink. Your next question is obviously, did I then sing Beauty School Drop out...I regret to inform you that I did not. Instead I quietly freaked out until we figured out a way to fix it. I often kick myself for that lost opportunity.
I now tag anyone who feels like doing this, and no one who doesn't, because the slow kid totally doesn't get the rules of this game.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Still Tuesday

Oops! I made it a goal to post everyday this week, and while it is 11:57 pm as I type, I still count this as Tuesday so I better post quick, because the clock is ticking. I don't have anything clever or funny to say (which is kind of the norm these days), so we're going to use this as a hopefully informative post. What are good games to play at a ward halloween type party? We're having one on Tuesday and on Sunday I was casually informed that as part of my new calling I'll be incharge of games on, what's your poison? Bobbing for apples? Donuts on a string? Halloween dance off? (I'm not entirely clear on how thats different from a regular dance off, but I imagine it has something to do with the costumes.) Do you see why I should probably have help? Also...prize suggestions? Happy Tuesday in any case!

*Edited to add: Woo hoo I made it! Also, blogger thinks it's only 11:54, which makes me think this computer is kind of a nervous nellie.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Doctor Who?

So, hello out there. a bad blogger. You have no idea how tragic this is. I love blogs. I read a lot of them. If you have a blog then chances are I read it. And so it was with great confidence that I began this blog to tell all the fabulous stories of my life. And then never ever ever wrote in it. I mean really, cake quizzes? This isn't myspace people. And so in an effort to increase my blog output (which I know, the demand for that is like, so high) lets introduce a new segment I like to call....


(I'm working on a slightly pithier title)

Once upon a time I went to college. I stayed there for eight thousand years. They gave me a degree. At the end of this lengthy and expensive (though not as expensive as it could have been thank you public school system!) process I still have to decide what to be when I grow up. Here is a list of possibilities I've come up with so far:

1) Writer
2) Doctor
3) Retro type diner owner
4) Sleuth
5) CIA Agent
6) Astronaut
7) Lawyer
8) Zoologist
9) Vigilante
10) Matlock
11) Rock star
12) Computer Hacker
13) Computer Hero, or rather the Anti-Hacker
14) Counselor
15) Artist

Lets explore some of these possibilities shall we?

Career: Doctor

Outfit: Authoritative Lab coat, comfortable scrubs in traditional blue or in trademark Addison pink. Stethoscope. (This would be a good place for me to include a photoshopped picture of myself on a doctor's body, but I am not gifted in the ways of photoshop, plus that would mean I spent way too much time on this post.)
Projected Earnings: Um, lots. Lets pretend I’m a surgeon. Surgeon's make the most yeah?
Location: Oh, lets see, it could be anywhere, Chicago, Seattle, Los Angeles, New Jersey, I might even start out in New York but end up in a small mountain town in Colorado where I open up a free clinic and try to make sense of life in the face of death and tragedy. Possibly even frontier style.
Excitement factor: Extremely high. Can’t you just imagine me all dolled up in surgical scrubs, asking my trusty scrub nurse Grace to please get me more suction because unless I find the source of the bleeding this man is going to die! I need a thoracodomy tray! And a scalpel! And SUCTION, GRACE! FOR THE LOVE OF PETE GET ME MORE SUCTION!

Best Part: Hmm there’s a lot to work with, the money, the prestige, the sweet possibility of impromptu musicals, but probably getting to see George Clooney around the office everyday.
Worst Part: The fact that George left the show in 1999. Also Medical School.
Projected Outcome: I would start out pretty strong but would quickly lose steam thanks to the lack of sleep. This would cause me to no longer blow dry my hair causing it to lose luster and shine. Unwilling to cope with this loss I start experimenting with different chemical compounds, eventually coming out with my own line of hair care products, which naturally leads to a show on Bravo. But lets be honest, that fame would go right to my head and before I know it I would develop some sort of addiction, most likely cheese. After a rapid decline my other attractive and well coifed friends would have an intervention for me and send me to a star studded rehab center. There I would form an alliance with Britney and Lindsey, vowing to take charge of our lives and change for the better. After swearing off the sauce Lindsey goes to back to school and eventually gets a prestigious fellowship at Harvard for her work in the field of Genetics. After a few classes and a couple of long heart to hearts with Madonna, Britney figures out the whole parenting thing and is able to restart her career. Unwilling to leave her children to go on tour she opens the Britney Spear’s School of Pop, for kids who want to learn how to sing good and how to do other things good too. At the ribbon cutting ceremony a man has a heart attack...or um, like, stops breathing. You know. Something medical. And I SAVE HIM! Which reminds me of my original ambitions to be the worlds greatest cardiologist...or respiratory surgeon. Whatever, the important thing is that George and I totally make out in the end.

Tune in next week to see what life would be like if I was Matlock!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

In Which I Disclose an Embarrassing Weakness for Online Quizzes

Oh yes! I have a blog! And don't worry, I have many important/humorous/topical items to discuss with you all. For example, hypothetically speaking, if somebody somewhere maybe took an online quiz to determine what kind of cake they would be. You know. If they were a cake. And then maybe they looked at the result and thought ha ha! That's funny! Sooo much cooler than the "Which Jane Austen character are you?" quiz I took last week.* Hypothetically speaking.

You Are Strawberry Cake

Fresh, sassy, and romantic.
You're a total flirt, who never would turn down a sugary treat.
Occasionally you're a bit moody - but you usually stay sweet!

How did you know??? I am fresh, sassy and romantic! And strawberry cake is my favorite! I know. I'm sorry. I promise to blog for real from now on.

*I take it back. There is NOTHING cooler than finding out which Jane Austen character an arbitrary set of question determines you are! Emma Woodhouse if you were wondering. And yes, I was a little sad that I didn't get Elizabeth Bennett. I'm pretty sure the determining factor was the question "Which of the following actresses would be most likely to play you if they made a movie of your life?" I clicked the Gwyneth Paltrow box instead of the Keira Knightly box. In clearly should have picked Keira if I wanted to get Eliza, but I believe in honesty in these quizzes and while Gwyneth in no way resembles me, she is American and she does have freckles. Two things Keira will NEVER understand. I almost went back and switched it so I would end up a theoretical Mrs. Darcy after all, but in the end I just couldn't compromise my integrity.** Upon further reflection I decided that Emma wasn't so bad, and really she was a sort of humanitarian if you think about it. Also I've always kind of wanted to be a matchmaker and I've always been not that good at it, so its actually quite fitting.

**Um, that's a lie. I have no integrity. I totally went back and switched my answers twice on that cake quiz because I kept ending up as red velvet cake. I don't know much in this crazy world, but one thing I know for sure is that there is NO WAY I'm Red Velvet.

Thursday, August 30, 2007


We got back from Utah on Monday! It was a grand old time, filled with singing, dancing and comic relief. No, not a musical, Julie's wedding! Well. Kind of like a musical. Julie got married on Saturday 25 at the Manti Temple.

Wedding Stats:

Height of the Bride: 4'10 1/2

Height of the Groom: 6'4

Number of bridesmaids: 3

Number of anti-brunette toddlers: 1 (This picture captures the four seconds that Caleb didn't cry when I was holding him. Hairist.)

Number of times we thought Uncle Joe was going to kill himself putting up wedding lights: Lots

Number of times Uncle Joe did kill himself putting up wedding lights: 0 (Hooray!)

Number of Tractors: 1

Number of crazy cool cousins dancing like dancing loons: Um...let me count...5 Burchs plus 4 Becks, plus assorted Bangerters and Haynies, minus a missionary, multiplied by 3 imports(Welcome to the fam Bernie, Shane and Steven!) , carry the Ben, divided by 2 = I don't know but we had fun!

(Let's pause for a brief yet random story!)

The night before the wedding, Jana, Marianne and I spent the night in the Haynie's Fairview farmhouse. Jana wanted to go for a walk, but being in a dark and isolated area didn't want to walk alone. Mari and I make it a point to try to be useful so we drove slowly along side Jana for 45 minutes, helpfully singing songs in place of her ipod. Safety first.

(And Scene!)


And now for my new favorite picture of Mari and I.

MARI (sneakily): Hey! Lets take a picture making the goofiest faces we can!

HANNAH (in a deceptively innocent tone): Ok!

*both snicker and look at the camera*

Upon discovery of the mutual deception:

Utah. She is fun.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Ode to Me

So I created this blog a while ago, but I kept not being able to think of anything to write. (Such is my own excitingness.) So finally I decided that in honor of my 24th birthday on Monday (July 23) In no particular order and for no particular reason, here are 24 things about me:

1) At this moment I'm wearing pink plaid shorts. (They're cuter than they sound.)
2) Curry is my favorite food in the world. Thai curry, Indian curry, red curry, green curry, yellow curry, I love it all.
3) My favorite band is Ozma
4) My preferred method of curling my hair is to twist it into a tight bun on the top of my head. (Think Mulan, very hot.) I leave it there for a day or so and then let it out and my hair is limply curly. Well, its maybe not my preferred method, but it's definitely the one I use most often.
5) When I was four I met Dolly Parton.
6) One of my favorite movies when I was a little kid was Big Business, which may or may not have been related to #5.
7) I can say the alphabet backwards really fast. While patting my head and rubbing my stomach. And hopping up and down on one foot. And turning in circles.
8) When I was a kid my greatest ambition was to become an Olympic gymnast. I worked towards this goal by doing somersaults on the back of our leather couch in the living room while instructing on lookers to pretend that they were back flips.
9) Phish food is my favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor.
10) But I prefer Hagen Daz.
11) But I don't usually buy either one because I'm not made of money.
12) I wish I were made of money.
13) Well, not literally because that might make wearing shoes kind of difficult, but a little extra cash wouldn't hurt.
14) While I don't have a favorite number exactly, the number 8 is most definitely my least favorite number.
15) Last summer I taught English in Taiwan for two months.
16) While I was there I learned how to say about five things in Mandarin.
17) I recently graduated from UCLA with a BA in History. This means I am qualified to:
  • Go to graduate school
  • Make scoffing noises during Mel Gibson movies
  • Work at Barnes and Noble

18) My best friend is Lacie, who every now and then has adorable children like this one.

19)When I was in high school I was obsessed with being a spy. This manifested itself in various aliases, the occasional wearing of black leather(ette) pants and the liberal use of Lacie's little brothers' walkie-talkies.

20) I think the term "walkie-talkie" is hilarious. Particularly when used in reference to the military.

21) I think the world would be a better place if nobody talked to each other until ten. I actually think wars would stop. I base this primarily on my senior year of high school when I didn't have class until ten. I would wake up to the sound of my mom peeling out of the drive way around eight, and then float around the pleasantly empty house. I'd make some cereal, watch a little Matlock, it was pretty much awesome.

22) I want to be Andy Griffith when I grow up.

23) I used to be addicted to coloring my hair, but this addiction came to an abrupt halt when my friend stopped working in a salon and started having adorable children of her own.

24) While I myself don't have children, I do my utmost to strive towards being adorable.