Wednesday, March 17, 2010


So I think we can all agree that my weird phobia of email has been well documented. As has my unfortunate addiction to starting new email accounts. Well, it looks like the Electronic Mail Karma Fairy has finally decided to do something about it. I'm in the middle of finals this week, as of today I just have one little paper standing in my way. But last night I was in the full throes of so many assignments I thought my face was going to melt like the Nazis from Indiana Jones. At about 11:30 PM last night, I checked my old UCLA account needing for some reason some information I thought might be in an email there. At which point I finally received the many notifications that had been piling up in my inbox that my email address was about to be terminated. On March 17th. Today. And that's how I ended up spending a frantic thirty minutes trying to back up all of my old emails. Keep in mind that there were over 2000. IN THE INBOX!!! This may seem ironic from a girl who does everything she can to avoid email, but there among the stress inducing professor emails and bank notifications were many treasures that I was unwilling to give up. I stumbled upon one particular email that I had written to my cousin Crystal back in 2006 that struck me as wildly funny given my current situation. I give to you here, misspellings, grammar mistakes and all:

Dear Crystal,

After careful thought and deep reflection, or at least carefully thinking about the possibility of deep reflection, I have decided to become a workaholic. I thought it best I inform you of this personally as I find this to be extremely life affirming. Workaholism seems like the best and easiest way to pay off my student loans that doesn't involve knocking off a gas station or preying on a recently widowed count with lots and lots of family money. Aslo, from what I can assertain from mainstream media, workaholics = adorable suits. I assume this will eventually put me in a position for a corporate takeover of some kind from which I will gain access to skull and bones type organization where we'll all wear formal attire (also adorable)and bungee jump off buildings. Once I've established myself as a corporate head hunter and recieved my commemorative if ethnically stereotypical spear, I'll have a mid-life crisis and marry a recently widowed count who just has lots and lots of family. I get lonely. Oh you may have your doubts..."Are you sure?" you might be asking right now, with a measure of tenative concern in your voice. The answer dear cousin, yes. I am sure. I can see your face now, disbelief, worry,anxiety,
apprehension, alarm, unease, trepidation, concern, amusment, laughter,enjoyment, delight, glee, hilarity, distraction, annoyance, irritation,anger, rage, fury, vengance, boredom, hunger...somewhere among these adjectives there is probably at least one word that fits your face right now. Unless its a poker face. Is it? What do you have?Cowboys? Sailboats? POCKET ACES??? STOP WATCHING CELEBRITY POKER SHOWDOWN HANNAH! OKAY! AND ALSO STOP HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH YOURSELF MID EMAIL!!!! OK...ay. Hi Crystal. How are you? Was I saying something? Oh yes. I'm going to be a workaholic. Or a ninja.

---Countess Hannah McBeal, dragonslayer.

I love how back then I was thought I would be paying off my student loans. Wasn't I just the cutest? Also I feel it important to tell you that the original email was written in purple font. FOR WHAT REASON? I have no idea. Never in my life have I sent an email with anything but respectable black type. At least never in my life since I was fifteen. These are the things that keep me up at night. That and the workahol.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Dreams and Weddings and Buffy Oh My!

There are many reasons why my sister Emily is great. When we were little kids, she used to like to help me with my homework. She liked "teaching me math". By which I mean: "Doing my homework." Which I also liked! But in the sake of fairness, she would make me do at least one or two problems on our chalkboard to show that I had learned.

I remember when Emily came home from this random trip up to Washington and Canada back in 2004. She had met this boy...and friends? She had fallen hard. Basically from the moment she met Joey Versace, Emily knew this was the guy. Being a very altruisitic sort of girl, I helped her plan the seduction. The plan went like this:

Step 1: Joey and Emily watch the complete Buffy the Vampire series together on DVD.
Step 2: While watching Buffy, Joey falls in love with Emily.
Step 3: Joey and Emily get married!

Best. Plan. Ever. Amirite? Have you ever tried not falling in love while watching Joss Weadon? IMPOSSIBLE. No seriously, that was the plan, and jokes on you suckers! Because as of January 3rd of this year, Emily and Joey have officially begun work on step 3!

And here, my friends, is where you come in. Emily and Joey entered the Crate and Barrel Ultimate Wedding Contest, and are competing for a chance to win $100,000 for their dream wedding. So go vote for them! All you have to do is click on this here little link, and click vote! Let's work together to get me the diamond bridesmaids dress I've always dreamed of!

In all seriousness, these two are going to be happy no matter where, when or how they get married. But I know they would love to be able to have all their family and friends to be able to come and celebrate with them, and I can't think of another couple who deserve it more. These are two of the most generous awesome people I have ever met. Athough Joey has never even offered to do my math homework.

So go vote for them, and then come back here and tell me what your dream wedding would include. Mine involves Hugh Jackman parachuting in and leading the guests in an elaborate musical number, like on the Oscars, but more weddingy and with less Anne Hathaway. And then he marries me. What does yours look like?

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Question of the Day:

If you were given the opportunity to go on a mission to colonize Mars, would you go? Keep in mind: It takes a long time to get to Mars. But not nearly as long as I thought! According to this site you could hypothetically do a trip to Mars in just under three years. So let's pretend that's the timeline. Well I guess that wouldn't really be colonizing it. Well kind of? Ok, Question a) would you be willing to colonize Mars? And question b) if not colonize, would you be willing to go on a three year mission to Mars? What do you mean "Nerd"?

Also, is there a condition under which you would say yes, but other wise no deal? For example: "I'd go if I could call home and talk to my family, but if not then I'd stay home." or "I'll go if Hugh Jackman is there, but otherwise FORGET IT."

And Finally, when you went home, do you think you would be allowed to take rocks and stuff as souvenirs? Or is it like a national park?

No YOU spent to much time on today!