Hipiversary!

Thirteen years ago today I had bilateral hip replacement surgery. Is that dramatic or what? You can imagine that it was something of a “to do” back in the day.

I had two great fears in approaching the operation. The first was the fact that after the surgery I would be confined to my bed for at least a week. Oh dear, this is still a bit delicate to discuss. Well, the thing is…oh fine. I’ll just say it. Bedpans. I was utterly horrified about the idea of using a bedpan. Several people had prepared me gently for this, nurses, doctors, a social worker or two. There was nothing to be embarrassed about, everyone was a professional, it would be no big deal, and it would simply have to be done at least for the first couple of days. Ha! I smiled and nodded politely when they discussed it with me, but privately I vowed I would never lower myself to that. My plan, as I recall, was simply to walk to the bathroom and use the toilet like an adult. I would be a marvel! Everyone would be stunned by my fortitude and resiliency! Really, all one needed was the proper motivation and one could accomplish anything. So yeah. That was my big plan. Just get up and walk! Problem solved. Oh Little Hannah. You are a treasure.

My other deep fear was the fact that I would be naked during the surgery. No, I’m not kidding. Of course in real life I was modestly draped, really entirely covered except for the portion they were working on, but I hadn’t watched a lot of surgery shows at that point, so how was I supposed to know? In my mind I imagined my body splayed out on the table for all the world to see. And by world I mean…doctors. Male doctors! I was terribly embarrassed about the whole thing. As any self respecting self conscious fourteen year old should be.

During the pre-op appointment, I sat with my doctor wearing nothing but a gown and a little robe thing. My doctor wanted to draw lines on my hips to mark wear the incisions would be, but before lifting my gown asked me if I was wearing underwear. Internally I was kicking myself for casting my undies aside prematurely, while outside I was trying to play it cool, all: “Who me? No I never wear underwear. What am I a nerd?” It was a little traumatic. Poor Little Hannah.

In retrospect it is possible that I was nervous about the wrong things. I do remember a couple of times trying to drum up a little fear of oh, I don’t know, dying. But it never felt real. I definitely enjoyed the sense of drama it gave me, but I was never really scared of dying, or of pain, or of any of it really. My fear was basically limited to going to the bathroom, and people seeing my nuddy-self.

I like to give past Hannah a hard time. I blame her for a lot of my current problems. Like, if past-Hannah had dealt with her email, I wouldn’t have 48 unanswered emails in my inbox right now! And if past-Hannah had just applied herself a little, I could be a lawyer or a doctor or a trophy wife by now. And really past-Hannah…are all of those brownies necessary?

But in this particular matter, I look back at past-Hannah with a little bit of awe. Because you see, what fourteen year old Hannah did, was something that twenty-seven year old Hannah would have a much harder time with. If I had to make that choice now, I would be pouring over outcomes and googling horror stories, convincing myself they were all about to happen to me. Man, what a gift that was. If I hadn’t done that surgery, I would most likely be in a wheelchair right now. It’s kind of stunning when I think back on things I could not do for before that surgery. I mean, things like walking around school, yes. But also truly basic things, like getting up off the floor by myself. Imagine having to ask someone to lift you every time you tried to stand. I don’t even think about it anymore. My life is so different than what it was, and what it could have been—and you will have to excuse me for getting a little schmaltzy for moment, but I am so, so grateful to the fourteen year old me who went through the hard part, so current me could reap the benefits. (And, you know. I guess the surgeons helped a little too.)

So, happy hipiversary to me I guess! I always feel like I should throw a hula party or something to commemorate, but in the meantime, feel free to swivel your hips in general celebration.

Yes it's February Second, but Here's that End of Year Survey Anyway.

Oh I do love a good survey. That's not really true, but I keep doing this one anyway...I actually wrote this back at the end of December, but then promptly forgot about it. I'm posting it now anyway, because the Mormon in me appreciates the journalistic value...but please don't feel obligated to read it. Hearts!

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

I got a masters degree.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Last year I wrote a fear list. Twelve things I have always wanted to do, but have been too afraid to do. My goal was to do one a month till they were all crossed off, I did five of them. But I really enjoyed doing that, and I think I’ll probably do something similar this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Hooboy, was this ever a banner year for Haynie births! Megan, Diana, Maria and Sarah all had babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, halleluiah.

5. What countries did you visit?

I am officially hereby changing this question forever. It will now read:

5. What trips did you take?

This was the year of fabulous beach vacations for me. In April I went to San Francisco, In May I went to Catalina, and in July I went to fabulous Oahu and Maui! On the non-beach front I also spent Thanksgiving in Delta, Utah (with a side trip to Provo to see the Bangerters), and I am currently in Idaho, where I wear a daily minimum of two pairs of pants, much to the amusement of my hosts. Ooh! And we spent the day in Wyoming. So. You know. Add that to the list.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Probably a new car…my beloved Betty stopped working in, oh, I don’t know…January? It’s probably time to get on that.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The day I got my job.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Obvious.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Nanowrimo yet again. But I can’t even feel bad about it…I wrote thirty pages and I’m still working on it. Excitement!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Same old same old.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Mah Kindle. L-U-V LOVE.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My friends, who consistently give me opportunities to dress up

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

You know, I quite like myself, and generally enjoy being me. But whenever I see this question the things that pop into mind are my own mistakes, character flaws and missteps. I think I appall and depress myself more than anyone I can think of. But fortunately my strengths, talents, and artistic abilities help me see that there is change, there is balance, and there is forgiveness.

14. Where did most of your money go?

For the last time I will have to say: Cal State LA!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The gaga party, Club 33, the release of Mocking Jay,

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Is it too sad to put Bad Romance down? I mean I KNOW! Unoriginal. But seriously, I sang that song soooo much this year. It’s got to be Gaga.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier.
b) thinner or fatter? Deffo fatter.
c) richer or poorer? Eh, richer, but considering I had a salary of zero last year that is not saying much.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Read books, read my scriptures, doing chores on time, laughing

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Reading blogs, being online, procrastinating,

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Christmas Eve I spent with my family eating dinner, cracking crackers, wearing paper crowns, and watching pugs play with each other in the living room. Christmas morning we opened presents with the fam, and then Alex and I jumped in the car and drove all the way to Idaho to spend the week with his family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

Why yes I did.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

I guess 30 Rock and Community. No good dramas at the moment, que lastima.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Dumb question, I’m deleting it after this year.

24. What was the best book you read?

Mocking Jay, Watership Down, Cold Mountain and The Help were all great reads.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I honestly didn’t have one. I’m terrible at discovering music. Maybe I’ll make musical discovery a resolution for 2011.

26. What did you want and get?

A job, a degree, a boyfriend and a trip to Hawaii.

27. What did you want and not get?

Honestly, I got so many things in this last year that to answer this question feels a little ungrateful and Veruca Saltesque. But you know, if we’re going with it…a car.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Toy Story 3, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Inception and True Grit. [Edit: I didn't see The King's Speech until after New Years]

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I went to a luau in Oahu, and I turned 27.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Is it crass if I just blatantly say more money? You know what? That doesn’t even matter. This year was incredibly satisfying. No additions needed.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Pencil skirts at work, skinny jeans for play.

32. What kept you sane?

Friends. Forever and Always. Which I’m pretty sure is the title of Justin Bieber’s memoir, but there you go.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I’m having a real Neal Patrick Harris phase

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

I very consciously spent most of this year not getting stirred by political issues. I hid everyone in my facebook stream who often writes politically charged updates, and kind of stopped listening to or reading the news. I’m much less informed but also significantly more cheerful about politics in general. In the new year I’m going to start adding the news back in, but I think I’ll try to keep my political angst to a minimum. And I’ll just say, facebook is not the place for politics…oh no it is not.

35. Who did you miss?

Bianca, who kept fleeing for rotations.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

This Guy.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

Leaps of faith are hard…but you can end up some really good places when you make them./Sometimes I am sappy.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I might get rid of this question too. Mostly cause I can never answer it.

Happy New Year! [One month late.]

Guess who downloaded paint on her macbook?

I was going to write a post about thanksgiving for you all...but instead I drew this picture of a unicorn. You're welcome.

Updates?

I'm working on a project for work as well as a homework assignment that both need to be finished today. So now seemed like a really good time to write a blog post! I keep being incredibly busy and having lots of updates...but not telling you about them. So here is a quick list of things I've been doing in the last three months:

• Started my job! I counsel students, plan events, present workshops, and go to conferences. It's very fancy. Also, I eat all the time. No, seriously, I don't think a week has gone by that there hasn't been some kind of food event. My first day there was a party at the Dean of Student's House. I was all, haha! Watch out or I'll get used to this! And turns out, now I AM used to it. I've stopped preparing lunches almost entirely. One of the events I helped plan (and emcee!) was a fashion show to highlight appropriate business wear. Here is a picture of me on the runway:
• Item number two: I went to Disneyland waaaay too much! How can that be possible? Answer: It can't. But seriously, I go all the time. I think I've been every week for the last six weeks. People keep visiting! First it was the Kennards, and we all went to Club 33 (This deserves a post all on it's own, but probably won't get one.):

Then Kristen came to visit, and this picture happened! (This trip also deserves it's own post but probably won't get one except that I'll say it here: While I had a ton of fun and witnessed the greatest imaginary light saber battle of all time, I am no longer cut out for Disney days longer than 8 hours.):Then Alex's sister came to visit, and we went to Disneyland again! But this time no one has posted pictures on facebook so I can't steal them. Which is a real shame because this trip involved fake mustaches. Everyone's loss.

At some point I also met up with Jeff and Cole and Kelly, but they didn't even bother to take a picture with me, so I have nothing to show for it. Very sad. Basically I go to Disneyland a lot. Six year old me would have been ecstatic to hear this was in her future.

• Halloween happened! I went as Carmen Sandiego...a costume I'm extremely proud of but didn't bother to get a single picture of. So instead please enjoy this picture of me from last Halloween (weird face but great costume...amirite?):
• I don't know...there is a lot more, but this post is getting long, and I really do have to do my homework. Oh! I'm taking one more class. It's on Fridays. Friday nights. It's very sad. But! Almost over. Eh, I'll try to write something else at some point, ever. So until then here is one more picture of me and Alex at Club 33:

Islands are Lucky and so am I

Ok, so I got back from two weeks in Hawaii a couple of days ago, and I have all kinds of stories to tell you about that! But not in this post. No, in this post we're going to talk about the time that I got a miracle. (In no less than 1200 words OMG I'M SORRY.)

So I may or may not have mentioned (once or twice a minute all summer) that I was recently in graduate school. Since the very start of my program I knew I wanted to work on the college level. I did several things to make this happen, including adding a career counseling certificate to my course load, and diligently working to set up college internships. Initially I was planning on doing my first internship in the fall, but at the last minute, it fell through, and I instead ended up interning at a local middle school, the very middle school I once attended myself, and the very institution where I set my most impressive Oregon Trail score. (Trailblazer!) Next I planned an internship for the winter quarter, but again the placement fell through. Frustrated, I turned to my advisers, who assured me they would help me look for a place to do my final set of hours. I ended up working at a nearby high school, which ended up being probably my all time favorite work environment, so fantastic was the counseling team.

During this quarter, I saw a couple of college counseling jobs openings. I optimistically set about applying for these positions. I asked one of my professors for a letter of recommendation, and she agreed. When I went to pick the letter up, she sat me down and said: "I'm going to give you the letters, because it's you, but I need you to know that you're not getting these jobs." I assured her that I knew these were long shots, but that I had to try, no harm in trying, haha, and there's always a chance! "No. There really isn't a chance. I just don't want you to get your hopes up...It's just that it's pretty much impossible to get a college job unless you have connections to that school." Ok. That was a little discouraging, but honestly, nothing I didn't already know. I once again told her I knew the realities, and knew that in all likelihood I would be working at a high school come fall. "Oh no, there are no high school jobs. You aren't going to get a counseling job next year." Well sure it's a little bleak right now, but there's always hope..."Not really." Oh. Ok. "I mean, you haven't even done a college internship." I stared at her for a moment, wondering if perhaps she had forgotten that she had promised to help set one up for me. When I reminded her of that fact, she nodded her head, but then kind of dismissed it as pointless anyway. The honest truth is, Debbie Downer though she may have been, she was trying to help me. Trying to help me not become depressed by a fruitless job search later. By helping me to become depressed before the fruitless job search. Mission. Accomplished.

I was feeling very discouraged. I wondered what the point of the past two years had been if there was no job to show for it. And then a third internship fell through, and I began to wonder if she might be right, and I should just go apply at Walmart. I just might have, but truth be told I was feeling just the tiniest bit indignant with my professor, for telling me not to even have hope. Who was she to dictate what my future would be? Was she clairvoyant? And I began to feel ever so slightly stubborn about the whole thing. One morning I got the idea to just call every college career center within a fifty mile radius, community, cal state, private, ANYONE, and just see if I could find an internship by sheer force of will.

I called three. Two community colleges, and one small, rather prestigious college, which I contacted in a fit of "why not?!" and was turned down by all three. And by then I lost interest, because I don't actually like making phone calls and frankly it was a miracle that I made the ones that I did. I went back to feeling discouraged.

And then a funny thing happened, The Small Prestigious School called me back. It was their office manager, telling me that while they didn't usually accept interns, they were thinking about opening a position for a part time Career Counselor in the fall, and if I liked, I could send her my resume, and she would hold on to it.

!!!!!!!!!!!

That's how I felt. We stayed in contact, emailing back and forth over the months, keeping in touch about the status of the tenuous job posting. She emailed me the day the job was flown, and I applied that morning, which happened to be the morning I left for Catalina. We almost missed the ferry, but I was too scared that the job would be closed by the time I got back, and there was no internet on the island.

A month passed. No word. About this time I was agonizing about whether or not to go to Hawaii, when there was the possibility of missing out on interviews, and also, who goes on tropical vacations when they're unemployed? (Spoiler, I DO!) But the generosity of my mother, and my spirit of adventure got the better of me, and I booked my tickets. And right after that I found out that interviews would be the week of my Hawaiian vacation. I probably should have cancelled, but the ticket was already booked! And I didn't even know if I was going to GET an interview! So I kept my trip as planned, and as the weeks went by, and still I heard nothing, I figured I probably wasn't going to get an interview.

Irresponsible planning? Maybe. But God loves me, and went ahead and had them offer me an interview for the morning I was scheduled to leave. (I think that it is nice symmetry that I applied for the job the day I left for Catalina, and interviewed for the same job the day I left for Oahu. I should go to islands more often!)

Hooboy, what an interview it was. The whole thing lasted an hour and a half, I met with two different panels and an HR rep, for a total of seven people. I felt really good about the interview, I had strong answers to their questions, felt good connections to the people I spoke with, it was a great experience. Still, it was no guarantee, and I honestly had no idea whether or not I would get that job. But I felt very peaceful about the whole thing. I knew that I had done my best, and that what was meant to be was meant to be.

So I went to Hawaii! And I had a blast. And on the Thursday of my second week there, as I stood on a beach in Maui...I got. the. job.


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU GUYS I WAS HOLDING A SNORKEL!!! It was just one of the best moments ever. And look, maybe it was just a series of coincidences that led me to this job, but I don't think so. I believe that those internships fell through for a reason, and that I was inspired to make that phone call that day. Why of all the schools to call, did I call that one? A school I had had ZERO contact with. This job is a dream come true, and it truly feels like it was tailor made for me. I feel blessed, and I feel lucky, and I feel so, SO incredibly grateful. I start August 16, and I actually can't wait.

This one is for Nano. Hi Nano!

Hello internet, would you like some updates on my life? Because I really really want to tell you about my life, but I seem to have forgotten how to blog, so this will be disjointed at best and trail off Mary Kate style at worst. That only makes sense to me and Lauren because we spent all night watching this. Anyway, here's what's been happening to me for the last few months in chronological order:

FIRST: I was in graduate school, and I complained about it endlessly to anyone who would listen. I've almost certainly complained about it to you personally. In fact, I'm hard pressed to find even one positive mention of school on this blog at all! So good attitude all around. I remember about a month before I graduated I was thinking about all the work I still had ahead of me and I sighed and said longingly to no one in particular: "Ugh, I can't wait until school is over." My mom sighed in a similar fashion and said: "Yeah. Neither can we."

I started feeling significantly better once my comprehensive exams were over, and all I had to do was finish my last two classes and my internship hours.

SECOND: Speaking of internships! I loved mine. I started at a high school near my house in January, and I was really nervous, because of all the levels in K-12, I wanted to work in a high school the least. I much prefer middle school. Which I know, is an odd thing, since most people hate middle schoolers, but what can I say, it works for me. The good news is that high schoolers turned out to be kind of awesome, as did ALL the counselors I worked with. This was very encouraging to me, because as I may have mentioned once or twice, I didn't always love school, and was beginning to get concerned I had chosen the wrong profession. But working with students and the other counselors was an amazingly positive experience, and I can't wait to do it as my career. I hear they even pay you money sometimes? It's all very exciting.

THIRD: I finished said internship about two weeks before my school quarter was over...which meant I was free to take a five day trip to Catalina! Here is a picture of me and Lauren on the boat.

And here is a picture of Lauren and Rebecca.

Annnnd that's it. Those are the only pictures I took on my fabulous Catalina vacation. Ok, fine. I took three more pictures, but they are individual shots of the three of us reading. In the house. Because we're just that cool. It was such an awesome vacation. We'd wake up, lazily wander one by one down to the beach, read for several hours. Lazily wander back to the house, make a sandwich, go back to the beach, read for a few more hours, go back home, read some more, eat some more, watch White Christmas. And that right there folks, is my ideal day.

FOURTH: After Catalina, I came home to three papers and two finals, but I can't even muster the bitterness to complain about them a little. It did seem awfully hard to make myself sit down and write them, but not so much that I actually felt bad. The last day of class we had to attend we had a potluck with our whole cohort and our advisors. It was really cool to sit with everyone and think how we had all made it, all 19 of us. The next day I had one more paper and a take home final that I had to email in to my professor. I finished my graduate education sitting in a Coffebean, eating a chocolate croissant and chatting on facebook. It was kind of beautiful. I came home, and I'm pretty sure that was the day I found out I passed the comps, it might have been the day before though, it all kind of blends together. Sufficed to say, I was delighted. I texted everyone I ever met and told them it was over, I had PASSED! Woo! I'm excited even now!!! I collapsed on the couch at home, and had this exchange with Marianne:

ME: I'm soooooo relieved! It's all finally over, nothing left to do!

MARI: That's so awesome. Now you can finally take that beach vacation you've been talking about!

Heh.

FIFTH: I GRADUATED!!!!! Walking in the processional with my friends felt amazing. I was so proud of all of us, all the work we did, and that we did it together. That elation ended pretty quickly when I realized we were in for a three hour ceremony with like, eight speakers and almost three thousand students. But it was ok, we passed the time playing MASH in my commencement program. When it was our turn to walk across the podium they didn't even say our names (why are my graduations always so ghetto?), they just put our hoods on us, and sent us on our way. It was ok though, I texted my family so they would know to look at the jumbo screen. Pictures!!!

Processional

Master Hannah!

Me and the Parents

Me and Confucius

Me and various family members.

SIXTH/LAST: And that pretty much brings us to now. All I do with my days is read books and apply for jobs. Guess which one I prefer? I also keep going to the beach, and going to Disneyland, and hanging out with friends, and did I mention the books? That I keep reading? I MISSED READING! Because this is apparently my year for fabulous beach vacations, next Tuesday I leave for two weeks in Hawaii with a couple of my girlfriends from school...Ooooh I am loving this summer vacation! There are so many more things I feel like saying, but this post is already so long and boring, that I'll save them for future entries. Hey, it could happen!

PS: OMG I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU ABOUT MY KINDLE! Just wait. That post is coming tomorrow. Maybe.

Workahahahaha

So I think we can all agree that my weird phobia of email has been well documented. As has my unfortunate addiction to starting new email accounts. Well, it looks like the Electronic Mail Karma Fairy has finally decided to do something about it. I'm in the middle of finals this week, as of today I just have one little paper standing in my way. But last night I was in the full throes of so many assignments I thought my face was going to melt like the Nazis from Indiana Jones. At about 11:30 PM last night, I checked my old UCLA account needing for some reason some information I thought might be in an email there. At which point I finally received the many notifications that had been piling up in my inbox that my email address was about to be terminated. On March 17th. Today. And that's how I ended up spending a frantic thirty minutes trying to back up all of my old emails. Keep in mind that there were over 2000. IN THE INBOX!!! This may seem ironic from a girl who does everything she can to avoid email, but there among the stress inducing professor emails and bank notifications were many treasures that I was unwilling to give up. I stumbled upon one particular email that I had written to my cousin Crystal back in 2006 that struck me as wildly funny given my current situation. I give to you here, misspellings, grammar mistakes and all:

Dear Crystal,

After careful thought and deep reflection, or at least carefully thinking about the possibility of deep reflection, I have decided to become a workaholic. I thought it best I inform you of this personally as I find this to be extremely life affirming. Workaholism seems like the best and easiest way to pay off my student loans that doesn't involve knocking off a gas station or preying on a recently widowed count with lots and lots of family money. Aslo, from what I can assertain from mainstream media, workaholics = adorable suits. I assume this will eventually put me in a position for a corporate takeover of some kind from which I will gain access to skull and bones type organization where we'll all wear formal attire (also adorable)and bungee jump off buildings. Once I've established myself as a corporate head hunter and recieved my commemorative if ethnically stereotypical spear, I'll have a mid-life crisis and marry a recently widowed count who just has lots and lots of family. I get lonely. Oh you may have your doubts..."Are you sure?" you might be asking right now, with a measure of tenative concern in your voice. The answer dear cousin, yes. I am sure. I can see your face now, disbelief, worry,anxiety,
apprehension, alarm, unease, trepidation, concern, amusment, laughter,enjoyment, delight, glee, hilarity, distraction, annoyance, irritation,anger, rage, fury, vengance, boredom, hunger...somewhere among these adjectives there is probably at least one word that fits your face right now. Unless its a poker face. Is it? What do you have?Cowboys? Sailboats? POCKET ACES??? STOP WATCHING CELEBRITY POKER SHOWDOWN HANNAH! OKAY! AND ALSO STOP HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH YOURSELF MID EMAIL!!!! OK...ay. Hi Crystal. How are you? Was I saying something? Oh yes. I'm going to be a workaholic. Or a ninja.

---Countess Hannah McBeal, dragonslayer.

I love how back then I was thought I would be paying off my student loans. Wasn't I just the cutest? Also I feel it important to tell you that the original email was written in purple font. FOR WHAT REASON? I have no idea. Never in my life have I sent an email with anything but respectable black type. At least never in my life since I was fifteen. These are the things that keep me up at night. That and the workahol.